You’ve probably noticed through my posts that perfectionism could be a tag that would describe my character pretty accurately. That’s so stressful! I really hope it will fade out with time eventually, because it is really not a pleasant characteristic to possess. For example, for the last two days I haven’t been able to sleep well, because I’m expecting some very important news that will have a huge impact on my future in terms of get going or have it difficult. The deadline for a final decision was supposed to be yesterday and I was alert every bloody minute (checking inbox and annoying everyone who’s been around). No news.
Why are they not responding? Did they miss my application? Or did the reply get lost somewhere on the way? Did they choose someone else and will not inform those who were not selected? Did they have an accident and are in the hospital? Are they looking for a polite way to say that I wasn’t successful? Am I going to have an accident soon? Am I mad? Goddd …. (Remember the post where I told you about the presentation in front of psychology students? Sounds familiar?)
These thoughts were so pervasive and aggressive that almost paralyzed me for that day. Luckily I had some clients and I’m somehow always able to switch from my personal life to professional setting. We had a great time together so partly they were helping me! Funny, when it comes to clients, I’m never being as demanding to them as I am to myself. Also perfectionism is out of question, because it doesn’t do any good. And they make such admirable progress – just today I got another SMS a client has passed an exam and the other one wrote to me a couple of days ago that he found the therapy very useful, because he’s learned so much about himself through it. You see, clients teach me so many things! I had to suppress my nonsense behaviour and then took a deep breath. Then looked around. So much was happening that I could almost overlook because I’ve been so busy feeding my perfectionistic monster.
Tomorrow it’s the first anniversary of our wedding. My husband gave me the most wonderful present. He designed earrings for me that have a deeper meaning and had them made by the jeweller who made our wedding rings. It was such a lovely thing to do, he really showed how much he cared that he spent so much time and efforts thinking about the present that will be something special. He gave me the earrings today and made a very nice speech. I felt so lucky and suddenly realized I’m in the middle of the most beautiful moment that would be spoiled if I would think about the past or the future. So I stopped. And when I did, amazing thing happened. I realized I have SO much. In fact, I have everything: a loving husband, work that I love and I’m good at, great health … what more could I want? A reply from the Committee 🙂 It will come, the later it comes, the better, because that way I could keep this exciting feeling of desire and expectation a bit longer. Keep your fingers crossed for me please and hopefully soon I could tell you more about it!