In the last post promised you the next post in simplifying our lives will be about the garden. Well, to be honest, life happened in between and since nobody is perfect, I failed following the Simple Life agenda for a day or three or a week.
Last week I was super busy preparing for the second part of the very first Slovenian Solution Focused Professional Training (link to the event in SLO language). Following the Simple Life Notes, I thought I would get the most ideas engaging in meaningful activities like gardening, walking in the nature or reading, but instead I was sitting in front of my laptop and about half of that time was mere nonsense. Though I do realize this is as well a part of creative process, I wasn’t particularly proud of myself. What was worse, I began to browse some stupid webpages with clothes and outfits and even ordered some things, though a new pair of jeans is the last thing I need.
I felt pretty bad. Though the training was awesome and I really enjoyed it (the participants as well, so they say), I knew deep down I’m not following the Simple Life Notes anymore and that bothered me.
Luckily yesterday we had some very nice friends coming over and I was happy for a while. But today again, not many productive or meaningful activities from my side. Again I noticed myself browsing and looking at some skirts I don’t need and blouses I won’t wear. So wtf? I decided to take a nap.
But couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t tired physically. My mental capacities were tired, because the training programme was hard intellectual work and also a huge responsibility, because I really wanted to make the most use of our training for our participants. Since this is the first training in Slovenia, I couldn’t draw upon existing experience, because there weren’t any. So naturally I was tired and empty afterwards.
What now? Should I continue blaming myself for breaking the Notes I wrote? Should I just drop the whole experiment and return back to the old habits? Should I not tell you about it and come back to you with some other posts about how fabulous our training was?
I listened to my inner dialogue for a moment. It was a nasty and rough monologue and my head was nearly exploding. So I got up. approached my piano and sat down. I heard a melody in my head, which cleared my mind and let my thoughts go away one by one slowly and gently. Started playing. It felt good, though I made several mistakes. Played some more. Pieces like Beethoven and Chopin. And then the sun came out from cloudy sky. And I smiled, because it was all good. I didn’t fail at anything. I’m not competing with anyone. I’m not trying to prove anything. Or accomplish anything. I just want to explore and play with simplicity. It’s work in progress. When you are ready, life gives you a lesson. When you are not ready, you won’t recognize it. The best lessons aren’t meant to be pleasant. And learning happens in many ways. Guess I was ready for my lesson.
My piano is a great way for me to clear my head and let me be in contact with my senses through balancing heart and mind. It has been like that since I was 4 years old and wanted to have a piano. Now I have one, a baby grand. And it helps me discover that I do deserve to talk to me in a gentle and supportive way, even though I “failed” my agenda for a couple of days. My failure was only contemporary, compared to the rest of the time when I was doing great. So why would I want to treat myself poorly for learning?
No need to complicate things. Even when you fail. A temptation is big, yes it is. And yet, it’s your choice, that only you can make.
Wish you gentle monologues, even during times when you are not proud of yourself. You are learning. That’s actually something to congratulate yourself!