Don’t focus on letting go. Focus on letting in!

Dear reader,

I am back to work and have started to see clients again. Very often they come with some serious problems and loads of baggage from past negative experiences they want to let go of but can’t or has been going on for too long, perhaps going on still.

Sometimes they would come with some habits or addictions they would like to change and sometimes they come stressed, nervous about certain events or people and would like to let go of certain relationships.

My recent experience in the hospital of having been pushed in a life situation where I felt I lost pretty much everything, I remember lying in my bed and trying to let go. Let go of my irritation because someone really significant to me pushed me away, let go of the physical pain I was feeling, let go of fear what would happen the next day, let go of the overwhelming sensation that I blew up my body, my life and my future. The more I was “trying” to let go, the more irritated I felt. I knew I had to do something, or I would have gone mad, but whatever I tried to do, or whichever TED talk or whatever I was trying to calm down, didn’t work.

Then I realised I was trying to deal with my situation from a wrong angle. I was trying to let go of something unwanted and spent loads of energy and efforts trying to sort of “eliminate” the “bad stuff”. Of course that didn’t work! I was doing it from the stance of deprivation, feeling powerless, abandoned and hurt. I didn’t know any better than this. Well, many times letting go has worked, but not this time. I needed something different.

Then a thought came:

Why focusing on letting go. Why not focus on letting in?

This made all the difference. Being focused on what I wanted to let into my life had nothing, I tell you, NOTHING to do with what I wanted to let go of. At that moment, I wanted to let in some peace, calmness, tenderness, appreciation of beauty, people around me, service and my body which was fighting like a female tiger. As soon as I started searching for answers to what it was that I wanted to let in, my whole situation changed. My circumstances were the same, my roommates too, the clock was ticking with the same irritable sound, with a difference that all of a sudden it hasn’t been bothering me anymore.

Now I am using this question with my clients. Have recently been working with a highly suicidal girl who has been hospitalised several times due to self harming behaviour. The question of what was it she’s been wanting to let into her life and what difference that would have made for her, made all the difference. She is more than fine now, has found a boyfriend and they have just been away for their first weekend together.

We think life is complicated. True, it is complex, and layered, and beyond our understanding or explanation. But it doesn’t have to be very complicated if you find a way how to get yourself in a receptive mode where you can let or allow the good stuff waiting out there for you, to come in. It is there, right there. But you might be too busy to notice it, being too focused on what you don’t want and what you want to let go of.

With love,

Biba

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