This Year Santa Brought Me No Presents

Dear reader,

those of you who are in touch through Facebook know that I had to leave the UK immediately and rush back to Slovenia because my husband ended up in intensive care. Unfortunate and unpredictable as it is, his blood platelet count was zero. Not low, but zero. This is likely a consequence or a side effect of his leukaemia with which he’s been diagnosed just as I came back from the UK in August, determined to move there in October.

So this year under our Christmas tree there were no presents for me because nobody was able to bring me any.

Do these events make me sad? Does it mess up with my plans? Am I worried about the future? Big questions, which do not necessarily need to be answered because there is no certain answer. But they do make one pause and think. Everyone is different and everyone’s story is unique. That said, one cannot generalise and predict that what might be good for some, might not be the worst thing for others. So here are some of my current thoughts to carry into 2019 and my Christmas present for you.

I believe the purpose in life is not to be happy. Or to be successful, having a family or great career maybe. A meaningful job and close friends. All of these things matter, of course. And it seems all of these things are for one reason only. We believe those things will make us feel better in the having of it. So to me a purpose of my life is, simply, joy. I decided to take a shortcut by already feeling good, regardless whether having or not having all the things or relationships one might consider important to live a purposeful life.

Joy. I am bringing joy with me wherever I go. Am not a messenger, teacher, influencer leader or a motivational speaker but was somehow born with the ability to make others feel good. I guess it comes from having simply decided that I want to feel good and spread this vibe around, not because that would be my wish or intention, but because the spread and impact just happens. Some people like it and are drawn towards it and that is good, others do not like it and stay away and that is good too as it doesn’t do any harm. The world doesn’t need more leaders who’d make you feel you’re never doing enough and will never reach out to them. It needs people who are kind and who make their everyday special. Who make others feel special. It literally needs people like you. So don’t hide and share your specialness with your world.

Here’s my little secret. I am choosing to be carefully selective of the thoughts I think. In doing so, I am staying close with people and other living beings I am sharing this planet with, with a deliberate intention to focus on the aspects of their personalities and behaviours that I truly like and admire. It just makes my life much simpler and most important – fun. A life everyone has a chance to enjoy regardless of what is “real”.

In 2018 so many things have happened that could have so much influence on this sense of joy. I had a major operation and a long and painful recovery. My husband got his diagnosis and the outlook isn’t good. My closest friend had an operation too as well as massive complications with it and is still not well. People around me are dying. Divorcing. Fighting. Destroying. My own future is uncertain. Where will I be? What will I do? Will I make it? And yet, in spite of all this going on, I am generating joy. Massive joy. Not because I would try to run away from all that is going on. Or because I want to inspire others. I chose joy because to me that’s the essence and purpose of my being. Everything else will work out. I don’t have to figure it out, all I have to do is allow for things to work out for me while I take care about feeling good.

Perhaps this adds to your day. Perhaps it does not. And I do wish you lots of joy and feeling good. It’s our natural state of being. Pain, stress or misery are not our natural conditions no matter how long you may have been exposed to it. As simple as that.

Happy Christmas.



Let us spread joy together!

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