as soon as you learn something new and you grow, you’ll be exposed to tests. The more meaningful your step, the harder these trials will be. And I somehow believe that life gives you challenges which you are somewhat capable to fight or survive.
I was given a huge challenge. I have to say goodbye to my morning runs. Possibly for good. Apparently my body’s been quite heavily damaged without my awareness and it is coming out now.
I can’t tell you what an unpleasant surprise that was. And it has come so far that I have to be taking pain killers in order to sleep properly. I won’t go into details, this is simply for you to illustrate that as soon as you think you might master something, life will send you a challenge to prove it.
So I now have an opportunity to prove that I will be. Strong on my own. If I want other people to believe in miracles, first I have to prove that they are indeed possible. Which reminds me of a beautiful song, 9 years ago, when I did my last ballet performance. I was already out of the ballet world for some years, so was not in a well rehearsed shape, but I did it anyway, because my friends and colleagues were so keen on it. We prepared it as part of a welcome event for freshmen students. This was the last time I was on stage and it probably contributed to my today’s injuries. Wasn’t very happy with the performance, but was very grateful for audience’s warm response. So I’m sharing the video below, even though I don’t like it at all and think I did poorly. But it was my very last performance and today I know that I will never be able to do this again.
Why am I telling you this? While preparing for that performance and doing the choreography, I picked a song which meant a great deal to me back then. It’s Christina Aguilera’s song “I Will Be”. I wanted to give the new students a gift of encouragement together with faith that they will make it at the university. Because when you are in trouble, you need to retain the hope and faith that things will get better. And things will get better.
As the lyrics go:
So whatever challenges you might be facing at this very moment, have faith that you WILL manage somehow. In fact everything you need is already there. I’ll desperately try to recollect my hope and get better and when I succeed, I’ll share it with you. Hopefully before NY’s, so we could do it together in this training. Which I shall cancel in case I do not manage.
Christmas euphoria already kicking in. Days are getting shorter. Darker. We have pulled out our winter clothes. Bacteria and viruses on their way.
I am at home. In Slovenia. Living a rather quiet life, because I have to be a good girl in order to finish my academic work. I don’t go out very often except when I facilitate a workshop here and there.
Surprisingly, I am far from lonely. Living a quiet analogue life doesn’t mean that my virtual life is boring. I do a lot of work online and am in contact with many people. Social life on social media has its own laws somehow. It is expected from us to be active, to network, communicate, comment on each other’s posts, engage, etc.
I was told that the online presence matters. And that one should carefully design how one wants to appear online. Edit LinkedIn profile. Website. I usually don’t have time for that, also I am too stupid to understand the laws of how this works. Meaning that I don’t really care how people will react to what I write or vlog. I just do it with an honest intention and wish that it will reach those people who can benefit from it. If not, fine, but I am not really bothered.
What I am bothered is the aggressive and pushy nature of some people who are trying to sell themselves and/or their products before they would even try to pretend they are interested in anything but themselves. I seriously don’t care whether you are an influencer with 24353262464 followers if you fail to have one and only quality that really matters.
Which is kindness.
I had to visit some doctors today. Came into the waiting room and two older grumpy ladies from the staff were sitting behind the window. My presence clearly disturbed their evening chat. They couldn’t find my papers and one of them said with an underlying tone that my insurance had expired. Which was not true. I wasn’t in a good mood either, because I was scared of the appointment. But I decided to be kind. Not because they would deserve it. Because we all deserve it.
You wouldn’t believe how a simple smile changed the whole atmosphere. And not only among these two ladies. Among the other patients as well.
But back to the online presence. Yesterday I sent out newsletters, using a new platform. Since I didn’t have time to check each and every recipient whether they have subscribed or not, I wrote an invitation to stay with me and an apology if someone did not want to. The next morning I received an email. From someone I met while delivering one training, some years ago. I knew she was very keen on newsletters and very qualified to make an expert judgement on what I have composed together. But her email was only … very very kind. And I appreciated it so much. And of course whenever I will need help, I will turn to her. Not because she is an expert. Because she is a kind expert.
And this makes all the difference. With such small gestures.
Thank you M.
I visited Ljubljana today for a change. Had to go to the doctors for some check-up, pick up some books, buy some things, meet some people and do many other small things. I also briefly visited my faculty where I studied and where my husband works.
This faculty used to be like my home. It gave me opportunities to discover what I truly wanted to do in my life, was an umbrella of many student associations, a place where I met some very nice people. I gave it my soul, my skills, lots of my free time and my passion. It was a place I felt truly loyal to. I think I contributed a whole lot and for quite some time I viewed this institution as an integral part of my life. It was also a part of my big plan – to work there in a position for which I seemed a good fit, so that I could be in contact with students who loved me and also close to my husband. It seemed a perfect plan and a perfect life.
As I returned back home from the UK in late 2014, skilled, packed with knowledge and ready to pass it on, I was certain that my offers would be welcomed. I was wrong. I got a slap in my face, my offers were received with icy cold attitude I couldn’t have imagined in my worst nightmare. In a meeting with the dean and a couple of other people I literally had to defend myself, while my intentions were nothing but good. Some people that I considered friends turned their back upon me. I could not believe it. As the dean’s committee couldn’t reject my offer completely, they tried to turn me down by collecting some professional expert opinion. It took several months and I was on my toes all the time. Even acquired myself an expert opinion from international community (thank you EBTA!!!) but the bottom line, to make a long story short was, that the dean decided my proposal didn’t get a pass by positive expert opinion, which I later on discovered was not true. Anyhow, my “big plan” collapsed.
What to do when that happens? What to do when you spend so much of your time and place all your hopes, working on one specific goal and then you lose it all? Of course you’ll need some time to accept the fact that it won’t work out the way you imagined it. Of course if you can, you’ll probably look out for ways how you could fix what could be fixed. In my case the notice from the faculty I loved, was final, delivered to me in a cold and rude tone. So I left.
Only a few months later, this rejection turned out to be one of the best things that happened to me. I opened my own company. Started doing things on my own, outside the system, its people and procedures. It paid off. In only three years I’ve grown to be one of the international lead trainers under Erasmus+ in certain topics. I am the Queen of Solution Focused Approach in Slovenia with international reputation of teaching and practise. I get to work with whom I want under my own conditions. I can work across sectors and in different countries. In other words: I am as free as a bird and people pay me to do what I love. My work also matters: I make a difference, because people and organisations do better when I do my job well. Which makes me more than happy.
Today at the faculty, I ran across a cleaning lady who used to see me every day while I was still at the faculty. She barely recognised me. As we had a friendly relationship back then, I knew she was telling the truth when she said I look so much better and younger now than I did couple of years ago. And when I looked myself in a mirror in the bathroom I realised she was absolutely right.
Leaving this faculty was one of the best things I have ever done.
Not to get me wrong, there are still things I like about that institution and by no means want to underestimate its culture. But now I know who my friends were and who was a wolf in sheep’s skin. I also know now that I left being a winner and am so so so very grateful for whoever stabbed me in my back three or four years ago. They have done me such a big favour.
Your turn: Now think about it for yourself: have you ever had an experience when your big plan crashed? Where are you now? What would you have missed, had your plan worked out? What has your “failure” taught you – what was its gift?
The bottom line: When life gives you lemons, surely, make a lemonade. You’ve heard this one before. But I don’t believe life ever gives you lemons. It has something WAY better planned for you. All you have to do is trust it and act accordingly. In other words: manifest to recognise opportunities or create them and trust it will happen in the way that is absolutely right for you.
Wanna learn how to manifest? I’ve done it all my life, not knowingly. Now I know how to do it so that I can create opportunities for myself. And I’d be very happy to pass this wisdom on to you. Visit this page on Facebook and express your interest.
I’m good. Hope you are too. Had an interesting day with one realisation I want to share with you, especially with all the ladies out there.
I was reading some posts on one of the online platforms where therapists exchange knowledge, experience, suggestions and engage in all sorts of professional discussions. The longer I was reading it, the more confused I got. People there seemed so smart, articulated, full of knowledge and citation and I was beginning to feel … well, stupid.
At some point I couldn’t follow the discussion any longer, because it was simply too complex, argumentative and rational. I gave up.
But something about it was intriguing. I couldn’t quite elaborate what. And then, out of the blue I discovered:
There were mostly men participating in the discussion. Hardly any female voice.
That doesn’t mean there were no bright, experienced women out there. Far from it. But the discussion was very “male”. It made me think and here are the results of my thinking, that might be helpful to any woman (and men consequently) in finding harmony between female and male energy. Below I shall refer to “women” and “men”, but by that I mean female and male energy, regardless of the body/gender.
- Women will never be equal to men. And we should both be proud of it. Diversity is to be celebrated, not assimilated.
- Women are accelerators. Men are providers. Whatever a man will create, a woman can help make it so much better. If a man buys her a house, she will make it a home. If he buys groceries, she will cook delicious meals. If he gives her sperm, she will make a baby. If he provides a strategy, she will make it come true.
- The above works in both, positive and negative ways. If men give women a bucket of shit, she’ll make a pool of it. If they give one rough word, they’ll get a hurricane. You know how this works, so no need for me to go on.
- Women are circular. We move in circles, can do more things at the same time, manage to enchant an entire crowd with as little as one single look. Our bodies change with our cycles. So there are several women living inside one, all of them have their own secret powers.
- Intuition. We were born with it. But somehow we have forgotten to train it.
- We might look fragile, but in many ways, we are much more stable and stronger than men. We are natural hosts, can endure more pain, can survive extreme setbacks and still look pretty as if we just had our beauty nap.
- We are masters of relationships and words. Engaging in a conversation is the easiest thing for us. As well as seeing the whole picture of what is going on. A woman will know exactly what to do when her care and love is needed. But she needs to feel loved and cared for before she could do that. She will also be the first to discover when someone is lying. Beware.
- Our spiritual potential is enormous. There is a whole universe inside our uterus. A woman who’s got her potential unleashed and is aware of her femininity, can drive any man crazy – the history is full of such evidence. Our power is tremendous. And the only one who can stop this potential blossoming is ourselves and what we do to each other.
Which leads me to some of the negative aspects of our femininity that we are perhaps scared to stand up for:
- Oppression. When the male energy prevails, we might feel stupid, as if we can’t contribute, even silly. The domestic sphere is seen as female, fair enough or not. But the public spheres such as politics, science, labour market, business, is still very much dominated by men. Women are catching up, but some are doing it in a way, that they are trying to compete to men and look/do the same. That I think is a big mistake. Women have their own unique ways of how to run a business, a meeting or a group. Why would we try to copy men, when we have so much to offer on our own?
- Trying to fit within the male world. Looking tough. Determined. Cold. Dominant. This is against our female nature. We don’t do it that way, it is not our spontaneous being. Why would buying a phone because it’s pretty be worse or seen silly than buying a phone because it has a 2938623 processor? It’s actually the same rationale behind it, so why would our reasons be less valid or important?
- Our hormone system and mood changes. I am not sure whether men encounter the same mood changes like we do, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong if I simply take the day off, because I need time and space to withdraw and take care of myself. I see no reason why I should be taking pain killers in order to prevent menstrual pain so that I could work harder. Why can’t I simply have my period and sorry guys, but f*** you, I’m off to have it.
- Abusing our bodies through porn and sex industry. I get very sad when I see teenage pop idols on stage showing their breasts and vaginas. Both are to be celebrated and respected, not treated like meat on a market. That does not mean that I am against being relaxed when it comes to nudity. But there is an important difference which is called respect.
Again, this is not a testament to speak in favour of female energy. We need both and when we recognise the differences and benefits, we can see how complementary we actually are. I recently made quite some changes at home and in some ways I’m being quite rough with my husband, but guess what: he adores me more than ever. I am respecting his male energy and he’s beginning to get to know my femininity. So of course, I am the queen of the house and he knows well that if I am balanced, feeling loved and safe, he can surf on my energy and benefit from it immensely. But if he gives me a bucket of shit or tries to cut my wings … well too bad, I’ll just continue to fly – on a broom!
ever had a period in your life where everything was going pretty smooth? Where it seemed as if your every wish came true in a matter of no time? This is not an illusion. It is hard science of metaphysics for some people and an unexplained spiritual phenomena for others. Both is true.
I recently learned how to get pretty much anything I want. ANYTHING. I went to a seminar with one of the most influential women of our time, Iza Login. At first I was not as interested in the topic as much as I was interested in her, her presence and energy, but later on, what she was sharing with us, made perfect sense. If one is ready of course, you know what they say about when the student is ready? A teacher comes.
She, together with help of Savina Atai, taught us how to use the techniques of manifestation to craft anything you want. I mean literally anything – from material objects to perfect partners or careers. And as you probably also know, no new skill can be mastered without practising. So as soon as we finished, I tried it out. First things first, I manifested the arrival of our pizza delivery guy accurately to the minute. Manifested exactly how I wanted the road and traffic to be as I was driving back home. Manifested a phone call outcome. And so on. But a big test came as my sister got to a hospital, being in labour. Some things were not right. She was stressed and the situation looked pretty hopeless. So I had to prove not that I can do something, but that I believe in the power of manifestation. It was serious.
And it worked.
It worked, with help and support and it turned out the way she asked for. And I now know for certain, that it works. But in order for it to work, one has to be in a state of mind (and body) which enables smooth flow. No blocks. And that is tricky.
I always thought I had problems with feeling unworthy or misunderstood. And now I realised this is not true. My problem was that I felt suffocated. With broken wings. It became so mundane that I’d forgotten about having wings at all. Time passing fast, bruises becoming scars and so on. You probably have similar experience, we all do.
Now I’ve become a queen of my life. The Queen. There was such unleashed potential unnoticed, unused and suppressed. I rediscovered breathing. And realised my wings are stronger than ever. So I’ve got some good things coming up … 🙂 And I can teach you how to do it yourself – get anything you want in your life. It goes so well together with what I was already doing in my line of work, but it’s become much stronger now. The more of us, the merrier. You don’t have to believe me. As long as somebody else does and life proves it 🙂
Biba, with love and from life
previous blog post “Were You Trained to Hate Your Body?” has prompted this. In my line of work, I have never met a woman or a man who would not have at least one issue, struggle or cause for embarrassment about the way how their body looked, behaved or their habits around it. And yet I believe, with some time and motivation, we can un-train ourselves and find a way forward to becoming at peace or even friends with our bodies. So I have created this online training programme for all of us who would like to break this cycle of self-hate and turn it into something worthwhile.
Your past does not have to mess up with your future. Your past failures can be made into your future successes.
This online training will consist of five separate online videos, which you will receive every week to your mailboxes. The videos will tackle different aspects of our being and performance and will also offer you exercises which you can do alone or together with someone you trust.
The second part of the training will be individual sessions. In these conversations we will be focusing on the outcomes specially tailored to you and your hopes. Each participant will have an opportunity for two individual sessions.
The last part at the end of the training course might involve a group meeting where we’ll share our progress and create a resource support group, which can last beyond the training course. TBA.
Anyone who can in some way relate to this blog post.
Starting on October 2nd 2017 and lasting for 5 weeks.
HOW MUCH TIME SHOULD I DEVOTE AND HOW WILL WE WORK?
As much time as you want. The video sessions will be sent directly to your email address, first one starting on October 2nd, after you register for this training. Then it is up to you how fast you go. There will be five slots, one per week. As for individual conversations, we will together look out for a time which suits us both and meet online, so you can enjoy our conversation from your own couch! The videos will be in English, as the training is designed for international audience. Individual sessions can be done in other languages of your preference (Slovenian or other Southern Slavic language, German or Spanish).
GREAT! HOW DO I JOIN?
You can register through this online form by October 1st. There is a symbolic participation fee of 50£, which includes all the videos, individual sessions and support through the training, so that really everybody can join. After registering you will receive an email with logistic and payment details.
I created this training because I believe in its usefulness. And I believe in the importance of this topic. As it is not a part of Ribalon’s regular trainings, we’ll only take up to 10 people on a first come, first serve basis.
I am so hopeful because you reacted. Together we can shape a better future, starting with ourselves.
I’m not sure how to start this post. It is quite intimate and personal. Not only to me, but to, I believe, every woman ever. Perhaps men as well, possibly more and more so.
See, our society has trained us to hate our bodies. Trained us to live in constant striving to change our body’s shape, tan, size, colour, smell, hair, you name it, they’ve got it covered. Or like Lily Allen put in one of her lyrics “Everything’s cool as long as I’m getting thinner”.
For me it happened as early as in elementary school gym class, where we were supposed to stand in line, from the tallest to the smallest pupil. I was somewhere in the middle, more among the taller end. And I wasn’t happy. Sometimes I wanted to be taller, sometimes smaller. I was also wearing glasses. Not attractive fashionable ones, but thick plastic pair, which would rub my nose and would look geeky. Of course other kids made fun of me. Of course I didn’t like it. Then came my foot size, which was somehow small. While most of the girls would buy their shoes at ladies compartment, I was still kept among kids trainers. And I was miserable.
Then I started doing ballet. Every single thing about ballet, is about the dancer’s body as well. I was unhappy with my arches. Unhappy with the length of my legs. Unhappy about my thighs. My red cheeks. I wanted to have a pale face and really dark hair. I wanted to be skinny. Not thin, but skinny skinny. I saw my body as my enemy, because it would gradually grow into a woman and I wanted it to remain at 50kgs. I didn’t see the swan-like neck, my big eyes, slender shoulders and long arms or my body’s amazing stretchiness. All of these didn’t count, compared to the deficiencies my body had.
When I stopped dancing, I didn’t like that my breasts were not cup C, not even a cup B. I didn’t like how my vagina looked like. I didn’t even like the shape of my fingernails.
So often have I encountered feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment. And a deep desire to look like somebody else. Perhaps a movie star. Perhaps a model from a magazine. Perhaps a girl next door with fantastic hair and perfect life. I was not comfortable being naked, not even in front of my boyfriends. Or especially not in front of them.
So I would force my body to be, look and behave the way I believed would make me happy. It followed me. I could force it to be lower than 50 kgs while still a dancer. I could force it to work hard under poor nutrition. I could control its functions and could order when to get ill and when not. My body was not my partner. It was my slave. The only thing I had full control of, in the crazy world.
And the slave failed me.
No matter how hard I pushed it, I still didn’t like it. No matter what colour I dyed my hair or how much mascara I applied, it still wasn’t good enough. Every picture of my body or face I had a look at, was lacking something.
I think I have a natural or genetic inclination to addiction, be it good or bad. So I would get excited about something new and would joyfully embrace the new habit until I would master it. Be it a habit with good or bad consequences. So I started to smoke. Tried to smoke marihuana as well, but it didn’t do much for me, so I stopped. I think I could easily become an alcoholic, so I’m staying away from it (most of the time, khmmm). I would also get excited about gluten-free food. Or veganism. Or paleo. Or buying nice clothes. Shoes. Or bags, omg, bags. Hair accessories. Facial creams, lotions, scrubs, sprays, deodorants, serums. In order to be healthy, beautiful, attractive, young, I don’t know what. Bottom line, to be or become someone who I was currently not. Change was always somewhere on the horizon, visible, but out of reach. If I wanted to become healthier, I should buy and consume chia seeds and B12 supplements. If I wanted to remain looking young, I should start using facial creams and serums, because I am over 30. If I want to be ready to go to the beach, I should shave my legs and have my bikini line done. And get rid of cellulite of course, nobody wants to look at that, do they?
Carefully following and executing the demands of our society, I realised I was trained from my childhood on, to hate my body. To constantly look at its faults instead of pros and not dare to look at its beauty. To constantly try to improve it and make it something it is not.
Guess what dear ladies out there (and men are welcomed too): how about we train ourselves to love our bodies.
It will be a hard, but I guess a rewarding journey. I started flirting with the idea some time ago, but constantly failed, as the power of collective memory and obedience’s just too strong and my individual mental determination can’t compete there. But perhaps we could make a difference, if there were more of us. I am at the moment somewhere down Croatian coast at a nude camp with only one piece of clothes and sandals. I haven’t brought any make up, facial cream or hair accessory. I am not thinking about what or when to eat, or how much. I am far away from my business casual meetings, my high heels or my tweezers. My body is full of mosquito bites, my hair hasn’t seen a hairbrush in a week and my face is lacking moisturiser (so the media tells me and I believe it). My legs are hairy and my feet are cracked, because I’m running around barefoot all the time. But I am feeling wonderful. I’m enjoying my femininity, my strong legs which can swim very fast and very far, my round hips which give me extreme pleasure when I’m making love, my waist with the stomach capable to digest all the rubbish I have fed it, my chest which can hold breath so I can swim underwater, my long arms strong enough to do and carry all the things that come to my mind and fragile enough to remind me that I don’t have to be strong. My head, which contains my brain, my strongest weapon, my full lips, my eyebrows, ears, … all the body parts which, even though I have treated it so poorly in the past, still serve me so damn well.
So I am training myself to love the woman my body contains. This is a daring act. I am not fooling myself into believing that I will not struggle along the way. The entire beauty industry would die if more women trained themselves to take a different path. But I will at least give it a go.
So I am happy to start a training programme for us, who no longer want to obey the paradigm that we have to hate our bodies in order to fit within this society. Those of you who have asked for it, check your mailboxes, as I have answered it today. And if anyone out there would like to join and train into becoming more likeable to yourself, you are most welcome. Send me an email and let’s make our bodies our most loyal and equal partners, perhaps even friends, but definitely not slaves.