Therapy doesn’t work. Coaching doesn’t work either. Clients work!

Dear reader,

in the field of helping professions, there’s a constant battle and rivalry between different approaches about which one works better, has longer lasting positive changes, is associated with better outcomes. There are so many theories about how human mind works, how our brain works as well as theories about behavioural, emotional and cognitive systems, concepts, maps, etc. We’ve got millions of pages written on expertise in different diagnoses, relational problems and family patterns. I don’t mean to be rude but

this is such bullshit.

None of the approaches work. Also none of the approaches doesn’t work. In reality, it doesn’t really matter. Because the one who work here are clients. The ones who make changes are clients. The ones who assess whether something is working in their life (or not) are clients and only clients. I find it ridiculous when professions try to beat each other by proving whose theory is correct. Every theory is correct until it is proven otherwise. We might as well say that every theory has chances of being incorrect. So why all that fuss about trying to explain human behaviour and why trying to analyse the underlying causes for unwanted situations? It only makes sense if we believe in expertise. That we or somebody else knows why something happened and can suggest what we might do in order to stop that happening now and in the future. Yet probably there aren’t many people (if any) who would be able to clearly see all the existing circumstances that influence current situation as well as predict the factors that might have an impact. Let alone to explain the reasons and to offer a correct conclusion on how to improve.

Less is more. To do more with less intervention is an approach that respects and allows clients to utilise what they already have. In my opinion at least, simple approaches are better than complex ones. Simple, but not simpler than simple. Not the same as easy!

Too bad that our society is full of experts of various kind. Take a company for example. When problems arise and company ends up in crisis, we have business analysts, financial analysts, counsellors, risk assessment agencies, coaches, management advisors and many more people, who make a living based on companies trouble. It so often happens that millions are spent on expert studies that result in no change. And it is also very often that the company is blamed for no change, because it didn’t follow expert advice.

This is how people make money. This is not how useful change happens.

In therapy and coaching we have a similar phenomena. Sometimes people are kept in the process of counselling for years, sometimes deliberately, sometimes voluntary. I’m not saying that approaches used in therapy and coaching do not work. Neither am I saying that they do work. Clients work. And it is abusive, disrespectful and actually a crime to keep clients in the process longer than it is absolutely necessary. Every session should be seen as a potential last session and it should take up not even one session more than it is necessary.

So who is it to decide what is necessary? The experts? Experts on whose life?

Who is an expert of your life? Marketing agencies? Media? Social beliefs?

Should be you.

Biba

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Slide used as training material in our Coaching for Change project

It’s Never Too Late to have a Happy Childhood

Dear reader,

often clients and others ask me whether they will ever be able to recover from what’s happened to them in the past. Some of them have experienced severe abuse, some of them have been hurt by their parents or siblings, others have been exposed to bullying or harassment. It so often happens that when we become older, we gradually resemble our parents, whether we like it or not. We might even catch ourselves demonstrating the same behaviour that we so much hated when our mother did it, yet now we’re performing the same reaction. We are spinning in patterns we adopted long before we were aware of our own being and though at times it looks good, we fail to change or escape them.

Can it be done? Can the past stop messing up with our future? Can we take over and live our life without being stigmatized by our past and can we finally start to breathe? Or is it hopeless, because it’s in our DNA or inacessible, because we were too young to remember or it’s simply too late?

Ben Furman, a well known Solution Focused therapist wrote a book titled “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood”. It’s never too late to define yourself brand new. You are not trapped in old patterns, relationships, habits for good, always and forever ever. This doesn’t have to be. You are able to construct yourself in a different way, so that your past stops messing up with your future. In order to achieve this, it is not so important to have the right answers. It is much more important to be asking yourself the right questions. Remember: the same thinking that got you into the situation you want to escape from, is very unlikely to get you out of there. So you need new questions that will bring you to new, useful answers. And that’s mostly what we do in our coaching or therapy sessions.

If you want to learn how to ask useful questions, stay tuned. A very first Slovenian Solution Focused Training is well on its way and on this training you can learn how to ask useful questions and which questions are important to draw a different path for you or for those around you.

Good luck defininig yourself brand new!

Biba

tunis cat

It’s never too late to play and to experience joy.