How did my butt get so big??

Dear reader,

funny story, this will make you laugh. Easter holidays and people are having days off, meaning shopping malls to be crowded, heavy traffic and loads of food. Perfect. I managed to break my husbands teapot and a big water jug, but hey, I’ve always been quite clumsy. Promised him to get him a new one and so there we were, today in the morning, putting our rain-boots on and getting ready to conquer the mall.

As I was putting my coat on, I looked at myself in the mirror. I was wearing pants not very flattering for my body shape, and as I looked at myself from behind, I went:

Omg since when’s my butt become so big?

My husband replied with: “No wonder it’s been big, you’re sitting 24/7, that’s what you’ve been doing.”

Now every woman ever will know that he screwed up big time. So there I was, my turn to react (or not). I could think of at least 246 choices. Here are a few:

  • I could have been devastated and could have spent another 2 hours examining my look from behind from every angle and trying to figure out whether he was right.
  • I could have bursted into tears for him being so rude and for telling the truth.
  • I could have felt really really bad, humiliated, ugly and unattractive and might have started thinking about dieting or exercising (but that’s not possible at the moment, because I can’t even walk).
  • I could have fallen into despair.
  • I could have tried to defend myself by shouting at him.
  • Or pretend to be an ostrich and not deal with the whole thing at all.
  • I could have killed my husband for being an idiot.
  • Or send someone to do that for me.

Now, before you send someone round to shoot my husband, please note that he’s never been very good with verbal expressions. Not that I am defending him or anything.

I know so many women to whom an event like that would spoil their entire day or week. And in a millisecond before starting to shout at him, I played several scenarios and how that might impact my day, I decided to do some assessment and pick the most useful response. Not for him, but for me.

  • My husband made a rude remark, which I will ignore and will not let it impact any of my thoughts or actions, except for writing this blog.
  • He is well aware it was rude. I’ll leave it up to him to deal with it. His laundry is none of my business.
  • It’s true that I’m sitting a lot lately. But it’s not because I would chose to do so, it’s because I am currently in too much pain to do any exercise or walk.
  • It’s the time of the month when my body’s doing its best to hold a possible baby. So consequently I might be a bit bloated. My breasts are bigger (and welcomed), so why would my butt not be allowed to be as well?
  • If my butt indeed has become bigger, so what. It is still my butt, I love it, it is serving me very well and I’ll keep loving it.
  • Big butts are very sexy.
  • If it will indeed bother me or will become uncomfortable, I will do something about it. But at the moment I am totally okay with it.
  • I am actually looking forward to having a big butt. In the upcoming months I will be sitting a lot and it is better to sit on a soft cushion than sit on a bony footstool.

See the difference? The trick is you can always, ALWAYS chose how certain events might affect you. Today I was in a good vibration, so I managed to do it elegantly and in only a second. And you got a witty story 🙂

Here’s to our butts,

Biba

Happy National Kissing Day!