Tag Archives: conference

I suck at saying goodbye: EBTA 2015

Ask, and you will be answered. Step out and you will be noticed. Do good things and good things will come back.

This is a message from this year’s annual European Brief Therapy Association Conference that was held in Vienna from 11th till 13th September. I was sent there with support from my English institution and my main supervisor. Just a couple of days prior to the conference I got an email from my Hungarian friends and coaches, inviting me to join a workshop on team coaching straight after the conference with one of the best coaches from Switzerland and Hungary. I was delighted and excited about both of these events and had it hard waiting to start.

My dear reader, which is your preferable: to be surprised or to make others surprised?

If I have to choose, I like the latter better. I love doing something for my significant others and enjoy planning it, keeping it a secret and at last, surprise them. It might be a small thing, or a big one, doesn’t matter, I quietly scream out of joy when I feel the passion that drags me to do it. So I dug up that my supervisor (and a dear friend) has birthday right after the conference. Since he’s a really modest and quiet man, but with a great mind, he didn’t say anything. We organized him a small surprise party and made a photo album for him. Though I had no idea what and how it will happen, the end has been what we hoped it would be: warm, supportive, loveable, friendly. Others who are close to him joined in this surprise and together we were able to do it just right. Happy bday C.!

Apart from this, I offered to give an open space at the conference. The proposed topic was transferring Solution Focused knowledge to the next generation. In case you are not familiar with open space, it is a very useful setting when you want to use the potential and creativity of your attendees. I use it all the time in my workshops and trainings. It has four principles and one law. The four principles go as follows:

  1. Whoever comes are the right people.
  2. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happen.
  3. Whenever it starts is the right time.
  4. When it’s over, it’s over.

Additionally, there is the law of two feet, which means that if for any reason you feel you can’t contribute to the group of don’t get enough from it, use your two feet if you have them and go someplace else.

So I had my open space. Surprisingly many people came. I asked them to place on an imaginary scale to see where we are in terms of experience. It turned out the situation was about 50-50. I was amazed about how much willingness there was to offer support whenever and wherever needed and how it was a precious experience for both groups – they could both learn from each other! From this open space and talk over dinner, I am proudly to present my additional supervisor and many international partners. I’ll soon open another subpage and list their names and organizations, so that you can look them up if you’d like to see how big the international dimension is. Ribalon is growing!

One thing I’m not really proud of, but do it regularly, is that I always leave without notice. It’s a strange habit, because I’m really lousy at saying goodbye. So I left the conference without saying goodbye to anyone. In this manner, I believe, we are still somehow connected and when we meet again, it will be as if we never parted. So please forgive me my dear SF friends if I didn’t say goodbye – I never do. And it was not just rude to you – I do it to everybody. But now I miss you all …

Since Wednesday I’m back home. Vienna and Budapest have left a remarkable footprint. Apart from professional development, I’ve noticed one small thing that is different now. I’ve become much nicer to random people. Before I was reserved or didn’t pay much attention, but now I’ve become nicer and helpful to complete strangers. Simply because why not to be nice. And this makes a HUGE difference. Suddenly people around me have changed. Just today, as I went to the supermarket, a guy hit my car on the parking. My reaction was kind. I surprised myself totally. And like it a lot lot. A lot! My car might disapprove.

So let’s see where the road continues to lead us. Next Wednesday I’ll have a workshop in my hometown. I’m really curious about how the group will react within this new habit and setting … 🙂

knitting

One more thing I suck at, here’s my first go of knitting at the EBTA conference workshop. Wonderful instructors and facilitators though!

May I Present to You …

A Certified Solution Focused Practitioner! I recently came back from England and brought an important paper in my pocket. My first part of solution focused training is behind me and I’m now officially fully qualified to pursue Solution Focused Practice.

The difference for me is rather minor, but it makes huge difference when I present my work and qualification to others. Clients usually don’t mind as well, they are more interested in the outcomes. However other practitioners of all kinds are VERY interested. And I think this is a good sign, they should be, because it does matter where you’ve been trained, by whom, how long and what the structure of your training was. You don’t want to be coached by someone who has only pursued a brief training on a weekend seminar, do you?

So for you dear fellow workers, who are in the helping professions and others who are interested, here’s what my training so far looked like:

Prior to entering the Solution Focused training, I was already engaged in working with students. Counselling and help has been offered through the university tutor system and I was the head of tutors for students with disabilities. I’ve been doing it for 8 years and have been granted two faculty awards for my work.

As I’ve told you in a past post, a miracle has happened and SF found me. My training at BRIEF (London, United Kingdom) has lasted from March 2014 until April 2015. Though I haven’t been in London the whole time, meanwhile I’ve participated in European Brief Therapy Association Conference 2014 in the Netherlands, Solution Focused Brief Therapy Association of America’s 2014 conference and additional training (not included in my primary training at BRIEF) and SOL CEE Conference 2015 in Hungary. And I was at home, working with my clients.

In total, so far I’ve experienced more than 150 hours of intensive training in Solution Focused Practice, about 30 hours of supervision and more than 120 hours with clients (only individual clients are included in the number, not the workshops). I’ve been really lucky to be trained or coached by the world’s famous Solution Focused Therapists and Coaches: Chris Iveson (my number one consultant and supervisor), Harvey Ratner, Evan George, dr. Peter De Jong, dr. Heather Fiske, dr. Harry Korman, dr. Janet Beavin Bavelas, Katalin Hankovszky Christiansen, Marco Matera, dr. Susanne Burgstaller, Hannes Couvreur and have sought consultation and guidance from dr. John Wheeler, dr. Mark Beyebach, Randa Fent, dr. Alasdair J. MacDonald, dr. Lance Taylor and Anne-Marie Wulf. I’m omitting the official titles other than PhD’s, because there are so many and I will probably make a mistake listing all of it. And because they made a difference to my life as people, not as doctors and specialists. What’s consisted a huge amount of my professional development was the EBTA, SFBTA and SOL World Community’s support. I had constant access to resources and immediate feedback from Solution Focused Practitioners whenever I needed one. My work has been recognized as meaningful, so the communities have enabled me to participate in training and conference in the US and in Hungary. I cannot find the right gratitude words to express what difference this has made to my professional standing, so I didn’t say it in words, but have showed it in action by opening the Ribalon Institute. All the above named and unnamed people have contributed to it.

What is coming next, is another year of extensive training for a Solution Focused Therapist and attendance in other Solution Focused events that currently I can’t tell how many will be. Anyhow, I believe I’ll be learning for life and in the end, my best teachers will be my clients. If things continue this way, you’ll be able to read about it as it happens.

It has been a long and arduous time and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it.

So my dear readers, proudly to present a marvellous journey that has escalated in a certificate paper. In case you’d ask.

porridge

Good and lasting results don’t come overnight. It takes time to be able to perform and produce something meaningful. Like a good porridge for example.

A Word about Support

Dear reader,

in case you ever worry about whether you’ll make it and what would happen if you fail, you’re not alone. It’s a human thing to worry and to think through all possible negative things that could happen as well as constantly asking yourself questions what if things go wrong.

How many times have you experienced complete failure? I mean really complete, absolute, total? That nobody was there, that nobody helped you, lifted you up, not even you yourself? If the answer is yes, think again. How come you survived? Even with all that struggle? That alone shows great strength already …

I’ve been in doubts many times. Some stories about it I’ve told you in my previous posts. Today, dear reader, let’s not ask what if things go wrong, instead let’s ask what it they go right. I’ll tell you about my fairy from the sky. She came totally unexpected and made my path a bit easier. I’ve met her at the American conference (the one with the long walk from the airport, remember?). She was at the preconference workshop and I don’t know what I did or didn’t do, anyway, we ended up having a conversation (but so does everybody at events like that). The next day she came and asked me to write my home address. I thought why not, she might want to come to my country and it’s a wise thing to have the address of someone you know. Then I returned home to Europe and life went on.

One day, an email came with good wishes for 2015. And then another one. It wrote (short version):

Your enthusiasm about SF is so refreshing to see. For now I just want to say that a small package went by mail this morning that you should receive within 2 weeks. It contains some SF articles for your perusal & enjoyment I hope. I will select a few books and send them to you in the next few weeks. All the best,

I was shocked. Why on Earth would someone bother to send a package of precious materials to such a distant destination. Why making extra efforts and work? What’s in it for her? Then I realized this is not the first time something like that has happened to me. People have made a great diference in my life by offering me support, help, advice, material, opportunity, a kind word, whatever I needed in a certain period of time. I didn’t ask and they came anyway. And they gave me a little part of them that helped me grow. So suddenly an African proverb totally makes sense: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

airmail

My fairy has sent me a present over sky.

So another email came:

A small package of books was sent this morning and I am told it should take up to 6 weeks to receive them.  They include authors you have met at the conference. Thorana Nelson and Frank Thomas, Joel Simons, Teri Pichot, Heather Fiske, Fredrike Bannink & maybe one other.  I hope you make good use of them. Really enjoy your posts on FB they always carry a sweet & powerful message in them. Have a great 2015 friend,

So the package came in today. With all these precious articles. I view this as a sign that:

a) support always comes when you need it, even though you might not expect it

b) I have a huge responsibility to pass this on by helping someone else.

Or maybe this has happened because I did something like that for someone one day and don’t even realize it? So this now is my turn? Karma?

.

A Fierce Journey

Dear reader,

Has it ever happened to you, that suddenly everything you thought you knew was an illusion and what you thought is blue turned out to be red actually? Or in other words – have you ever experienced a feeling, where nothing makes sense anymore and doesn’t fit any of your frames, yet it is the most incredible experience? Well me too. That’s what my American journey looked like.

On one hand, I’ve learned even more about SFBT, had a supervision on a difficult case of mine, have met soul mates who share same ideals about it as I do and also was able to talk to world famous therapists and yet didn’t feel like an amateur. In solution focused environment that kind of thing wouldn’t happen anyway, as it is a very safe environment to learn, to be heard, to be seen, respected and to have a possibility to learn from the best. And they even show genuine interest in you and your work.

Now then. On the other hand, our training and conference was at a venue so much different to what I call a “known situation”. A totally different world, not only visually, but also culturally. For example some stereotypes: In a land where obesity represents a major problem, I’ve lost more than 2kgs. In a land where there are mainly hamburgers and fries, I had organic almond milk for breakfast. It took me 34 hours outbound to my final destination and more than 24 hours back. Including a delay, a missed plane, a rebooked one, a lost luggage and certainly many lost nerves. I busted into tears in the middle of the Heathrow airport in London, just because it was so damn big, that I freaked out. The next second I laughed for the very same reason. Anyway, to return to America: in a city with the elevation of more than 7,000 feet it is said not to pursue too much physical activity in the first few days and after my 34 hours of travel and flying, I walked from the airport to the hostel for more than 9 miles (had to stop in the outlets of course, and that was NOT in the same direction!). My shoes cancelled on me afterwards. Finally, after 6 hours of walking, I reached the hostel and announced my glorious journey and since then I was referred to as “the girl who walked from the airport”. After that I realized there was a bus for 2$/daily pass so that ended the walking odyssey.

How did I survive all of that? Not always, but mostly, I tried to focus and be present. Instead of complaining, I was thinking compliments. Instead of being self-centred I turned outwards. Instead of letting my emotion and body to take over in terms of being exhausted and stressed, I gently embraced that tired and nervous part of me and managed to calm it. It was one of the fiercest things I’ve ever done and yet a gentle one.

I wrote in my award proposal that if I am to win this award, this would mean that I could grow a bit more, I could spread my wings to other continents and make some contacts for future collaboration as well as could return back home with more knowledge and open-mindedness to share it with people around me.

That didn’t quite happen. Again, as written in my “About” section, the reality turned out so much better. I have gained confidence now as a therapist. Much more confidence, and I was doing ok before. I’ve deepened my skills. Mostly in terms that I’m okay with the “not knowing” and have gained trust into the client’s abilities. That they will tell me what I need to know. But most important, I’ve reached the limits of my comfort zone. And have crossed it. And I know that tomorrow I might be back on the old track of habits and comfort. Will definitely bring back these lost kilos :). But I realize now that everything I thought was black could be white and that I can go through more of this. Much more than I can imagine. Actually I’m looking forward to it.

Feels good to be back. Might get me some fries now, to justify the stereotype.

santafe

Do you think sky is the limit? What is limit?

A Road Less Traveled

Dear reader,

Hope you are doing well. I got back from summer holidays and even though not much has been going on in terms of sessions or similar, there’s news I’d like to share with you.

Today I was organizing some photo albums and realized, I have a very strange habit. I like to take photos of the ground.

I didn’t know it was that obvious, but there we go – each album has at least one photo of the floor and it was not taken by accident. I know it sounds strange, but I really like doing that as some people like to take selfies. I like the idea of a captured moment, where it is my turn to walk this road that so many have walked before. In so doing I wonder who they were, what they were thinking about, were they in a hurry or just taking the after lunch walk, did they carry a bag or pushed a baby carriage, was their step light, fast, or in pain, worried. And I feel really small, thinking this thoughts and at the same time so calm and grateful, because I’m aware of the moment and I know it’s my turn now.

As I was traveling and had the opportunity to explore foreign landscapes and cities, I learned a lot. Not just in the courses/conferences, but also in traveling itself. I liked every single place I’ve visited. At the same time I could complain about every place, but I chose to like it. One could write pages or even a whole novel about every place and its people, so much they had to share. If only I were to listen.

I remember a journey from Sheffield to London in March by train. The plan was to take the latest train in Sheffield and then stay at St. Pancras for the night and get a coach to the airport back home. That day was super intense, as I had a meeting with one agency in the morning and have participated as an observer in psychological assessments at the university. So the idea was that I take the latest train and not spend another night in a hostel. After all scheduled meeting were over, I met with a friend for a cup of coffee and cake and then went shopping. It started to rain and my bag’s zipper broke. Of course. It was cold and I was hungry. I prayed they would let the train open so I could find a good seat and get some sleep, as at the station this would be less possible. Also, meanwhile I found out that the London night traffic isn’t 24/7, so the coaches are not running until 3 o’clock. S***.

In the train as I found a cosy seat, not before long, a young man sat next to me. We began to chat. I was really tired and already prepared to sleep, but he seemed to be willing to talk. He was a nice guy, so my dilemma was what to do: the best and most reasonable thing to do would be just to ignore him and get some precious sleep, but on the other hand, it was a once in a lifetime situation and I might miss an opportunity to meet someone interesting. I went with the second option. And do not regret it, especially not today, where I have one more fb friend and a precious memory and am dry and eat a banana.

We arrived to St. Pancras. It was 11PM and it was cold. I thought no one would be at the station, luckily they have a couple of battered pianos, so I could make a fool of myself and amuse the mice. The station was crowded, because a Eurostar train to France came back. There seemed to be some accident in the tunnel. So there were about 500 people caught in the station. If someone had the right to complain, it was them! A Costa Coffee was opened and it was one of the few places not windy. So we all squeezed inside (and my broken bag, remember?). People were fed up, the smell was just awful and the coffee man was in a bad mood. Not helping. So we sat there. Then I smiled to a guy next to me (he was a huge man, very tall and looked strong). I asked him if I could squeeze in a bit and move closer, because he looked so strong and both of us together could keep the warmth longer. He was also one of the loudest complainers and was really surprised by this proposal, but eventually he agreed. Felt a bit awkward, but then we were okay. After a while a few others followed our example and the iced atmosphere was broken. It was just one single smile that made such a huge difference among the whole group. Or maybe I was just imagining it.

Pictures of the floor. I thought my journeys have come to an end with this summer, and again, I was wrong. The distance travelled to my next learning opportunity will be more than 10,000 km. I got the news last week over coffee somewhere in Dalmatia. It was one of those rare moments with Wi-Fi available and I almost fell of my chair as I read an email on my phone, saying I’ve been chosen as the recipient of an Award to support my attendance at American Solution Focused Brief Therapy Association (SFBTA) annual conference in the USA. The award is given to students, who show promise in Solution-Focused Brief Therapy and is aimed to provide some financial support for travel expenses. I couldn’t believe my eyes.  

Again, be careful what you wish for. It may come true. I did not see this coming. And yet it’s happened. This years award has been given to me.

photo

“If we know exactly where we’re going, exactly how to get there, and exactly what we’ll see along the way, we won’t learn anything. ” ― M. Scott Peck, A Road Less Traveled