How to deal with success is as important as of how to deal with failure

Dear reader,

Easter here. Hope you’ve used this opportunity to visit some family or friends or at least to have some time off. We visited my grandma (the one I told you about already) as we had a family reunion. Not to mention that my grandma’s doing great and is celebrating her 90th Birthday in 3 weeks, she’s had an accident with her water heating system just the day before we arrived, which caused her corridor to be covered in mud and she’ll be without hot water until somebody delivers and installs her a new one. So she made me wash the salad in the ice cold water and as strict as she is, I had to do it at least five times until the water was crystal clear. I don’t consider myself spoiled, but I really felt like that as I started whining and imagined how she will manage to cope with this for days, if I had trouble to cope for only 10 minutes.

Anyways. As we all get together, everybody has lots of news and I always enjoy these conversations. I don’t usually add much to the conversation, as on the outside I’m not a very loud person, or if I do speak up, I ask questions. And usually others appreciate this, because I’m often regarded as “a nice person to talk to.”

Being a family (everybody being interested in everybody) my cousin asked about what am I up to and how I am doing. Everybody knows I’ve opened an institute and that I’m traveling a lot, but no details, so there was much to tell. But I was not prepared for this, so I didn’t know where to start. I just said I’m in the process of going and it’s a beginning only. I was unable to take my “five minutes of fame”.

Then on the way back, as I had time to think, because it’s a rather long journey and I was driving, I realized I failed to answer that question completely. That I was totally unprepared to be asked a question where I would tell something about what I’ve accomplished and how I’m doing. I’m too much used to defend my actions in terms of giving the arguments supporting why I did or didn’t do something or to fight back when I’m being criticised. And I got used to these kind of questions. How about when somebody asked about my successes? Glp …

I’m interested how you respond to criticism and how you respond to admiration. Can you handle both? Do you accept praise easily and are you capable to say thank you? And does that make you proud or confused?

How come we are sometimes better “trained” to respond to negative than to positive feedback? Is there a way to unlearn old patterns and invite new ones?

There is. I’ll tell you about it before long. Keep in touch and observe your own responses in the meanwhile 🙂

easter breakfast

Easter breakfast. Helps you think.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Dear reader,

do you agree with todays title? Ever tried your best, gave it all and sacrificed your time, money, even health perhaps and then got nothing in return? Or even worse, got bad attitude, mocking or even harmful words or actions? Me too.

It has happened 1935720962086723 times to me that I thought I was doing something for the good of others and then others responded rude. So many times others asked for help, got the best possible treat and then didn’t even bother to say thank you. So many times they wanted to receive, receive, receive and gave less than nothing in return. Sort of energy suckers, trying to squeeze every last bit of your competency and then drop you out like used condom.

What to do with people, whom you give diamonds and they treat them like pigs would? Nothing. It’s actually your attitude you have to change. It’s your merit if you offer pigs diamonds. Don’t be surprised if they don’t know how to appreciate them.

It is understandable that you try to give yourself to the world. And I wish there were more people like that. Sadly, the nice guys are always the last. You may find some comfort in the proverb that karma’s a bitch only to those who behave like a bitch. But that doesn’t help a lot when you are really hurt, does it. So think about – what is it that hurts you? The fact that you cannot please everybody? The rudeness? Feeling of abandonment? Or is there perhaps some truth in their words? I don’t care much about US politics, but one of them once said a beautiful thing:

“Take criticism seriously, but not personally. If there is truth or merit in the criticism, try to learn from it. Otherwise, let it roll right off you.” (H. R. Clinton)

If someone criticises you for a reason, figure out what you can do about it. But if the information is delivered with lots of emotion and rage, then you need to protect yourself. You don’t deserve this. When you let other’s treat you like crap, there is something in your behaviour that allows them to do so. Observe and examine what it is. Then turn away if you can. Fighting evil people and idiots is useless, because they’ll beat you as you are an amateur in their field.

What can you do instead? Continue, keep going. When you work hard, have faith in what you do and love your work, there will be good results. Very few things can piss the evil tongues off more, than your success. But that’s not your concern. Your growth and development are. Spend your energy and time on people who are worth it. And still listen to those, who aren’t. They have a message for you too. Put it in a non-personal envelope.

_Wisdom_tends_to_grow_in_proportion_to_one_s_awareness_of_one_s_ignorance__Anthony_de_Mello