High Performance Requires High Maintenance

Dear reader,

In the past month I have worked in four different countries on four totally different projects. Not bad, right? So the moment I’ve woken up in my London bed, finally back and with a lazy weekend ahead, I felt the toll – a headache and sore throat. Such differences in temperature, lack of sleep and being overly-adrenaline, sounded like my thing at the time and as it ended, so has my resilience.

It is Women’s Day today. Celebration of femininity for me, which can reside in any kind of body, be it male, female or other gender. It is not about the gender per se, it is much more about the energy, the feminine energy. Feeling, instead of understanding, touching, instead of knowing. There’s nothing more feminine than knowing you deserve to be admired, helped, and adored. So my recent high performance requires high maintenance and lots of gentle, loving female energy. And I am more than happy to step out of male competition for a while.

As such, today I am having a day off. And went to a little place down the road in Shepherd’s Bush in London, to give myself a little treat. Sitting there, I noticed a remarkable link between the woman who was working hard for me and the work I do when I am seeing my clients in therapy or coaching. Both of us are professionals and experts in the processes we do. And both place the expertise on the content of what is desired to the person we are working with.

So here it is, I couldn’t resist making a vlog out of it as the inspiration came, even though I am not camera ready. Hope you enjoy it and wish you all a good, loving weekend ahead!

Biba

Do Not Help Others

Dear reader,

It is one of the most rewarding gestures and sensations when you can help another living being in need of help. More often than not, I meet people who share with me that they would like to contribute, to make a positive difference and help others. It has also been scientifically proven that getting presents for others gives you a much more rewarding feeling, than getting yourself one.

So all in all, helping each other is nice. It is also socially encouraged. Noble. Virtuous.

But in the long run, it has one downside. It is simply wrong.

Helping others makes the other one recipient. Sometimes even a helpless subject. Hence the power isn’t equal. This has been one of the main concerns of ethics of care. The care-giver and care-receiver relationship should be equal if you truly TRULY want to make a difference. They both should aim for caring for and caring about each other. Otherwise helping others has one huge disadvantage. It diminishes the brilliance and potential of the one receiving help.

I am not saying helping is wrong. It is still much better than not caring. But before helping you should make sure, that your help is wanted and the way how you want to help is indeed being helpful to the other. If you cannot confirm this, you are on the slippery road. Empathy is very wrong. It leaves you unbalanced, because people’s stories touch you too deeply if you are a sensitive soul. Compassion is much much better. And to be compassionate, you don’t have to help, but simply to be there for the other human or animal being. It is enough.

People have the potential to help themselves. If you are getting in the way by doing that for them, you are stealing their brilliance. With the purest and most honest intentions, yet you are still doing it.

If on the other hand you can inspire others so they can help themselvesyou have done enough and most you can do.

So think about it. Instead of looking after others and looking for ways how you can be helpful, turn inwards and do your best to help yourself. To take care of yourself, so that you can be your best version. It will create a vibration around you that people will find attractive, fascinating, and will because of it get inspired. And from there, they will take it their own ways, in the directions you would never have imagined. But this is none of your business. The one and only thing that is your business is taking care of your own wellbeing. And then the rest is a piece of cake. Abundance. Creating more abundance. I know that I do the best job as a therapist if I make sure, I am being my best version. What the client does after the session and whether it has been helpful for them, is entirely in their hands and none of my business. Also none of my interest.

So get out of people’s way and mind your own business. You might be surprised by its effect.

With love and no intention to be helpful at all,

Biba

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