I’ve been back to the UK for a week now. It feels so good to be back, though not yet 100%, because I am still quite disabled, but close to feeling good enough. We had a great workshop with E. and C. at the United Kingdom Association for Solution Focused Practice in Liverpool and I was so pleased to meet some of now already old friends, getting to know some new ones and overall, have a very good time. Tomorrow I am travelling up North to teach a Masterclass in Sheffield, so life is treating me well.
And yet, I am somehow restless. Especially when I think of my Slovenian friends and Slovenia. It makes me somehow really sad that the climate and culture here, is so different to Slovenian. And I know I would not have recognised the difference if I haven’t been round the world to expand my horizon. There used to be a time, when I felt kind of “superior” for having this international dimension, capacity to think outside the box and embrace different outlook or worldview if you wish, compared to the one I was brought up in. Today I am realising it is still very much imbued within me and will probably stay with me forever, though I hope it might get smaller and smaller as I go about more useful ways of thinking and acting.
I met a dear Slovenian friend yesterday, who had left Slovenia five years ago. She said it was the best thing she’d ever done. I felt the same when I temporarily left it four years ago, but I am still kind of trying to keep coming back and trying to make a difference by sharing what I’ve learned. So far I am not sure about my success. Sometimes I think that if I stayed home longer, I might lean back towards the “old” ways of thinking and doing and as soon as I catch myself doing that, I feel rage and disappointment. On the other hand, being away, makes me want to spread my wings and share my happiness. And today I know that my inner flame will fade away if I won’t nourish it and take care of my own wellbeing, even if this means putting no one else first but me.
So I couldn’t go to sleep late into the night yesterday and have woken up at 4am today, listening to birds, watching the moon and wondering what life will bring me next. Where might I go? What might I do? Am I scared? Am I confused? What makes me happy? What does not? Am I allowing the good things for me to enter my life? Am I willing to accept that I can achieve beyond my current imagination?
I don’t know. All I know is that today as I was just exiting Holborn Underground station, a man stopped me and wanted to buy me a cup of coffee. I accepted. We spent lovely 20 mins together and I was wondering what his hidden agenda was. It turned out there wasn’t any – my presence and vibration simply attracted him and he couldn’t resist talking to me. I know I have a very magnetic, irresistible presence when I am in a good vibe. When I am not, I am average. Can I control which one to invite out? Wish that I might get there someday, but for now, these things only happen in London. To me at least. So I am guessing one should not try to find their purpose. The purpose will find you.
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