Tag Archives: help

When Your Big Plans Don’t Work Out

Dear reader,

I visited Ljubljana today for a change. Had to go to the doctors for some check-up, pick up some books, buy some things, meet some people and do many other small things. I also briefly visited my faculty where I studied and where my husband works.

This faculty used to be like my home. It gave me opportunities to discover what I truly wanted to do in my life, was an umbrella of many student associations, a place where I met some very nice people. I gave it my soul, my skills, lots of my free time and my passion. It was a place I felt truly loyal to. I think I contributed a whole lot and for quite some time I viewed this institution as an integral part of my life. It was also a part of my big plan – to work there in a position for which I seemed a good fit, so that I could be in contact with students who loved me and also close to my husband. It seemed a perfect plan and a perfect life.

As I returned back home from the UK in late 2014, skilled, packed with knowledge and ready to pass it on, I was certain that my offers would be welcomed. I was wrong. I got a slap in my face, my offers were received with icy cold attitude I couldn’t have imagined in my worst nightmare. In a meeting with the dean and a couple of other people I literally had to defend myself, while my intentions were nothing but good. Some people that I considered friends turned their back upon me. I could not believe it. As the dean’s committee couldn’t reject my offer completely, they tried to turn me down by collecting some professional expert opinion. It took several months and I was on my toes all the time. Even acquired myself an expert opinion from international community (thank you EBTA!!!) but the bottom line, to make a long story short was, that the dean decided my proposal didn’t get a pass by positive expert opinion, which I later on discovered was not true. Anyhow, my “big plan” collapsed.

What to do when that happens? What to do when you spend so much of your time and place all your hopes, working on one specific goal and then you lose it all? Of course you’ll need some time to accept the fact that it won’t work out the way you imagined it. Of course if you can, you’ll probably look out for ways how you could fix what could be fixed. In my case the notice from the faculty I loved, was final, delivered to me in a cold and rude tone. So I left.

Only a few months later, this rejection turned out to be one of the best things that happened to me. I opened my own company. Started doing things on my own, outside the system, its people and procedures. It paid off. In only three years I’ve grown to be one of the international lead trainers under Erasmus+ in certain topics. I am the Queen of Solution Focused Approach in Slovenia with international reputation of teaching and practise. I get to work with whom I want under my own conditions. I can work across sectors and in different countries. In other words: I am as free as a bird and people pay me to do what I love. My work also matters: I make a difference, because people and organisations do better when I do my job well. Which makes me more than happy.

Today at the faculty, I ran across a cleaning lady who used to see me every day while I was still at the faculty. She barely recognised me. As we had a friendly relationship back then, I knew she was telling the truth when she said I look so much better and younger now than I did couple of years ago. And when I looked myself in a mirror in the bathroom I realised she was absolutely right.

Leaving this faculty was one of the best things I have ever done.

Not to get me wrong, there are still things I like about that institution and by no means want to underestimate its culture. But now I know who my friends were and who was a wolf in sheep’s skin. I also know now that I left being a winner and am so so so very grateful for whoever stabbed me in my back three or four years ago. They have done me such a big favour.

Your turn: Now think about it for yourself: have you ever had an experience when your big plan crashed? Where are you now? What would you have missed, had your plan worked out? What has your “failure” taught you – what was its gift?

The bottom line: When life gives you lemons, surely, make a lemonade. You’ve heard this one before. But I don’t believe life ever gives you lemons. It has something WAY better planned for you. All you have to do is trust it and act accordingly. In other words: manifest to recognise opportunities or create them and trust it will happen in the way that is absolutely right for you. 

Wanna learn how to manifest? I’ve done it all my life, not knowingly. Now I know how to do it so that I can create opportunities for myself. And I’d be very happy to pass this wisdom on to you. Visit this page on Facebook and express your interest.

Biba

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Walking down the streets of Ljubljana – sunny on the outside and on the inside

 

A Word about Support

Dear reader,

in case you ever worry about whether you’ll make it and what would happen if you fail, you’re not alone. It’s a human thing to worry and to think through all possible negative things that could happen as well as constantly asking yourself questions what if things go wrong.

How many times have you experienced complete failure? I mean really complete, absolute, total? That nobody was there, that nobody helped you, lifted you up, not even you yourself? If the answer is yes, think again. How come you survived? Even with all that struggle? That alone shows great strength already …

I’ve been in doubts many times. Some stories about it I’ve told you in my previous posts. Today, dear reader, let’s not ask what if things go wrong, instead let’s ask what it they go right. I’ll tell you about my fairy from the sky. She came totally unexpected and made my path a bit easier. I’ve met her at the American conference (the one with the long walk from the airport, remember?). She was at the preconference workshop and I don’t know what I did or didn’t do, anyway, we ended up having a conversation (but so does everybody at events like that). The next day she came and asked me to write my home address. I thought why not, she might want to come to my country and it’s a wise thing to have the address of someone you know. Then I returned home to Europe and life went on.

One day, an email came with good wishes for 2015. And then another one. It wrote (short version):

Your enthusiasm about SF is so refreshing to see. For now I just want to say that a small package went by mail this morning that you should receive within 2 weeks. It contains some SF articles for your perusal & enjoyment I hope. I will select a few books and send them to you in the next few weeks. All the best,

I was shocked. Why on Earth would someone bother to send a package of precious materials to such a distant destination. Why making extra efforts and work? What’s in it for her? Then I realized this is not the first time something like that has happened to me. People have made a great diference in my life by offering me support, help, advice, material, opportunity, a kind word, whatever I needed in a certain period of time. I didn’t ask and they came anyway. And they gave me a little part of them that helped me grow. So suddenly an African proverb totally makes sense: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

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My fairy has sent me a present over sky.

So another email came:

A small package of books was sent this morning and I am told it should take up to 6 weeks to receive them.  They include authors you have met at the conference. Thorana Nelson and Frank Thomas, Joel Simons, Teri Pichot, Heather Fiske, Fredrike Bannink & maybe one other.  I hope you make good use of them. Really enjoy your posts on FB they always carry a sweet & powerful message in them. Have a great 2015 friend,

So the package came in today. With all these precious articles. I view this as a sign that:

a) support always comes when you need it, even though you might not expect it

b) I have a huge responsibility to pass this on by helping someone else.

Or maybe this has happened because I did something like that for someone one day and don’t even realize it? So this now is my turn? Karma?

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The Campaign – a Word about Money

Dear reader, Since I’ve told you about the big news gone bad, I moved on, looking for other possibilities. I’m a very altruistic person, money plays little role on my priority scale. However we both know where (sadly) the power is and that money does make the world go round (the good news about this being it doesn’t bring any sense for its spinning – other things that money cannot buy provide that!).

So I started looking elsewhere, how I can make my dreams come true on one hand without losing my passion and energy by being absorbed in financial issues and on the other offer my knowledge and time to everybody without charging for that. I still hope these things go hand in hand, so I’ve launched a campaign of fundraising for my project.

Today a dear friend of mine whom I’ve met in London sent me a message, commenting my campaign in terms that I should think about how to engage people to feel that there can be some difference through my project and I need to show how I want things to be. He’s really smart and has helped me before, so I’m taking his advice seriously. If you’re following this blog regularly, you might have some clue about what I want and why I want that. Still it might be a good idea to put it into concrete details and outline the project more specifically, since I didn’t want to do that in the campaign description (wanted to be very short and precise).

I expect this project to be a masterpiece. I want to do with the students the same as spring does to the cherry trees (P. Neruda’s quote). I want to help them blossom, discover their full potential not only in academic sense, but also in their core qualities, their inner beauty. Since I’ve been engaged through one form or another in student academic and extracurricular activities I’ve seen a lot. Also being a student myself, I know it’s a huge pressure to be a “good” student. Besides, I’ve experienced some very tough time myself and was also very ill, but there was nobody who would offer me support. I’ve experienced exclusion, shame, stigma and lots of pain. Pain caused by words, denial, avoidance and physical pain as well. There were doctors, all sorts of specialists I didn’t want to go. There was no one, who would listen, who would understand. I had suicidal thoughts and have caused lots of harm to my body. Everybody pretended they didn’t notice. This has been going on for quite some years before I came to university.

Most people, according to statistics collapse and fail. I survived. I had to pull myself up, it was one of the hardest things I had to do and yet the one I’m most proud of. Even though I did some very nasty things that were very wrong and I’ve caused lots of trouble especially to my family, this is a part of my life that helped me shape into the person I am today. Back then I was alone, couldn’t talk to anyone and yet I managed. Still I remember how deeply I wished there was someone or something that I could run to and rest a bit, just put my head into someone’s lap and close my eyes for a moment and forget about everything. That has always been my driving force that pushed me forward in doing what I do with my students. I wasn’t lucky to be provided with support. But I can be that support for somebody else, because I understand. Not everything, but I understand at least what it’s like, when it’s really bad.

So my dear reader and potential contributor, that’s what I HAVE TO DO. Be the one for those who need it, be the one I didn’t have. Students come to me because they feel welcomed, they feel accepted and safe. The effects we both (a student and I) witness in sessions are hard to describe. Just one session can sometimes cause huge consequences in terms that a student realizes she/he can do it and is not alone. But I can’t do that voluntary my whole life and at the same time I want the students to have free support. That’s why I need your help.

So if this project is to succeed, here’s what you (engaging) might be part of:

– if you are from the higher education area and the project is running at your institution, you may notice better student’s performance, less stress and more cooperation. Solution focused approach brings people together and fosters collaboration instead of competition.

– If you are a company or an employer you’ll benefit from confident and reflecting graduates, who might gain their confidence in the sessions.

– If you are not directly engaged, still there’s a chance you’ll have an intern who has benefited from this project. Or a business partner. Or a spouse, a son in law, etc. Because all these students will one day take the role in society. If they are able to fly instead of being depressed, then the future society looks good. My faculty (and university) is large, our graduates travel and move across the globe. So you never know when you’ll meet someone who’s been down at a certain point in their life, but with this project he/she got the support to develop the wings.

– If you want, you can be an active part of it. I’m always opened to new ideas, new partners, who share the same ideals. If you want, I’ll come deliver a workshop for you. Or a training course. Or can help you with what I have to offer. And I may not have everything. But what I do have is unique, it’s real, based on my own personal experience and it’s provided with honesty and enthusiasm.

Take care. Now time for some garden soup.

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Sky’s not the limit today.