Tag Archives: love

How to recognise love?

Dear reader,

we often hear that rhetoric question “what is life without love”? And that notion of love being the ultimate driving force that keeps everything moving and sorts things out. You will also come across poetic writings in literature about love being a verb, which is very interesting, for language does determine how we think about things and life. In today’s blog I’ll explore the concept of romantic love between two partners. Other types of love we might do some other time.

Everybody talks about love and yet we don’t often know what it truly is and have difficulty describing it. We do slightly better by feeling (or not feeling) it. In the sense of when you love someone, you put up with things you never would with another person, you will go 29386 extra miles for them and they may be giving you million reasons to leave, but you are deciding to stay for only one reason, over and over again – because you love them. When your phone pings and you see their message your heart jumps. When you see your loved person, your body reacts to them. When you hear their voice, your own melts. When they don’t give you affection, you feel hurt like hell. And when you catch their eye, if it’s mutual, you both know how the other one is, you have common language, you feel each other and you work things out. Without wanting to change the other person. Am I being overly romantic? Today I had a chat with someone, who said my standards were too high, I should have been more realistic and such love doesn’t exist in real life. I said I won’t apologise for making them uncomfortable because their standards were lower than mine. And I didn’t.

Romantic relationship scene in London is quite unique, I must say. I hear it from my clients and I see it with my friends as well as myself. In such a multicultural city, where people do their lives differently as well as process and express their emotions in different ways, it’s not easy to find true love. Many times the word might be used prematurely and too easily, saying “I love you” way too casually, like misusing the word “happiness”. Both then get a bad name, people get bitter and disappointed and, well, unloved, blaming love for it. But love’s nothing to do with it, or does it?

So how do you recognise if you really love someone when you are not sure? And how do you know they really love you back? If love is a verb, it means it’s something we do. If love is a noun, it’s something we have. If it’s an adjective, it’s something we are. Whichever resonates with you better, take it. In life they probably go hand in hand, interchangeably. Let’s first explore how you know if you truly love someone. Do you love them because of something the other person has or does? Would your love stop if they did something to upset you? Does your love change based on what the other person does or does not do?

Now let’s go for the other side, how do you know you are loved – do you feel like you can wave your fist in front of the other person over and over and they will still be there with you? What would happen if the two of you terminated the relationship – would the other person still care for you? Or would they punish you? Manipulate you?

If you are not sure, try breaking up and see what happens. I don’t want to suggest this as something you should do (how would I know anyway), rather I’m offering this as food for thought. Would you be happy for the other person if you saw them being happy with someone else? Would they be happy for you? Would you wish the best or the worst for them? Would they pick up the phone if you rang them?

If you find yourself still having gentle, loving feelings towards the other person even when they are not with you, then you probably love them. If you are happy to be seeing them happy, even when this picture does not include you, you probably love them. If your affection for them is constant (which does not mean you wouldn’t get upset or cross with them), you probably love them. And if you are wanting to have them back in your life, but not forcing them to, you also probably love them.

Similar could go from the other perspective, so let’s build further from here. If you no longer had a relationship, what would the other person do – would they erase you from their life? Would they be insulted? Would they be playing games with you by using your friends in order to get to you? Would they disappear? Take revenge? Do you harm? I’m sure you could find your explanations on what those behaviours are so I won’t offer mine here, but one thing is certain – it’s not love.

In the end, love is going to kill us all. Or save us all? Have you ever been truly loved? Or truly loved someone? Have you experienced both? At the same time? Is this something that is common or rare? Let’s see what you think. Hope this is useful.

Biba

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Love is like an engine that drives things forward.

Do Men Really Love Bitches?

Dear reader,

I am no relationship expert. In fact I’ve no idea about why or how relationships work or don’t. I just have them. But recently I’ve noticed a very interesting outlook, trending among women, young and mature. It is a belief that men don’t love nice girls, they love bitchy girls. The underlying message is that women should put themselves first and never look needy to a man.

I am seeing clients, lots of young women, sometimes couples. And I noticed that this new trend is somehow misunderstood and misinterpreted hugely. It conveyed many young women to literally become iron bitches, not caring about anyone and anything but satisfying their own needs.

This is not what it’s about.

There was a video circulating on FB about a mother with her son, playing in a playground. Other kids were teasing him and have been really rude towards him, because he was black. Sadly as it was, none of their parents reacted. And no, that didn’t happen in America, it happened in Spain. I went to a mall today. As I was just resting a bit, because I can’t walk for a very long time, both of my crutches fell on the floor. People were passing by and not even one stopped and offered any help.

While I do believe that people should not be overly helpful, I do not think that this is the kind of society I’d want to live in.

So back to the topic. No, men (or any human being really) in fact do not like bitches. Actually nobody likes self-centred careless bitches (and even they themselves probably don’t). Just remember what difference one single kind word can make. Or a genuine smile. A small gesture of kindness. Some care, not expecting anything in return, just because you are a lovely person. It will not cost you your throne, on the contrary – you’ll become a queen of people’s hearts without trying or wanting to.

So please, my dear women, girls, don’t swap your kind caring nature for cold, masculine steel. But yes, do like yourself, do take care of what you need and yes, do enjoy your femininity. Do put many efforts in trying to feel good in your body and spirit, and also do contribute with whatever you are and have got, to make this world a nicer place. Give, don’t close down. No one has ever become poor by giving.

Lots of love,

Biba

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You do not have to be a bitch for men to love you …

Untrain yourself and start becoming friends with your body

Dear reader,

previous blog post “Were You Trained to Hate Your Body?” has prompted this. In my line of work, I have never met a woman or a man who would not have at least one issue, struggle or cause for embarrassment about the way how their body looked, behaved or their habits around it. And yet I believe, with some time and motivation, we can un-train ourselves and find a way forward to becoming at peace or even friends with our bodies. So I have created this online training programme for all of us who would like to break this cycle of self-hate and turn it into something worthwhile.

Your past does not have to mess up with your future. Your past failures can be made into your future successes.

This online training will consist of five separate online videos, which you will receive every week to your mailboxes. The videos will tackle different aspects of our being and performance and will also offer you exercises which you can do alone or together with someone you trust.

The second part of the training will be individual sessions. In these conversations we will be focusing on the outcomes specially tailored to you and your hopes. Each participant will have an opportunity for two individual sessions.

FOR WHOM?

Anyone who can in some way relate to this blog post.

HOW LONG?

Whenever you feel ready to register and lasting for 5 weeks.

HOW MUCH TIME SHOULD I DEVOTE AND HOW WILL WE WORK?

As much time as you want. The video sessions will be sent directly to your email address, after you register for this training. Then it is up to you how fast you go. There will be five slots, one per week. As for individual conversations, we will together look out for a time which suits us both and meet online, so you can enjoy our conversation from your own couch! The videos will be in English, as the training is designed for international audience. Individual sessions can be done in other languages of your preference (Slovenian or other Southern Slavic language, German or Spanish).

GREAT! HOW DO I JOIN?

You can register through this online form. There is a symbolic participation fee of 50£, which includes all the videos, individual sessions and support through the training, so that really everybody can join. After registering you will receive an email with logistic and payment details.

QUESTIONS?

Here for you to answer.

I created this training because I believe in its usefulness. And I believe in the importance of this topic. As it is not a part of Ribalon’s regular trainings, we’ll only take up to 10 people on a first come, first serve basis. 

I am so hopeful because you reacted. Together we can shape a better future, starting with ourselves.

Biba

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La Dolce Vita. Why not?

 

 

Maybe I don’t believe in happiness …

Dear reader,

my July has been the busiest month since Ribalon started. I have delivered or organised three major events in only one month: EBTA Summer Camp 2017, On Arrival EVS training and International Training No Panic. I thought I’d be exhausted by the end of the month, but surprisingly, I am bursting with energy. I’ll be returning back to the UK tomorrow and life will settle down only for a couple of days until full speed again.

So I am blooming professionally and could hardly imagine a more successful and fruitful summer.

But another part of me is dying. I am losing one of the most important people in my life. Ever since we first met, we both sensed this will lead to an exciting, loving, friendly, caring relationship. And yet we both knew our relationship was temporary, limited in time and space. What we did not know was that we’ll become so very close and such a perfect match, that we’d forgotten our relationship had serious limitations.

Now looks like, the time has come for us to part, because our lives are moving in different directions. We are not speaking the same language and do not live in the same country. We do not have many things in common and our social circles do not have overlapping members. We talked about this and it broke my heart when I first started to realise our tomorrow won’t be. But regardless of that, I tried to find a way forward, create some possibilities for us to stay together. And sometimes we are not almighty. Sometimes we cannot move mountains or create miracles, no matter how much we want to believe we could.

Right now I feel as if someone let the air out of my body. I’m feeling empty, crushed, hopeless. I want to be angry, but don’t know with whom. I want to scream like a spoiled child, but my resentment has no solid ground, since I knew from the beginning that I will lose this person. I guess I was hoping this moment would come later. Or perhaps never. I was convinced that I have the power and means to create opportunities and find solutions for us to be. And it worked. For a while. But now as I am receiving messages from this person, the bitter truth has showed its teeth and faced me with the fact that we hit the edge of our relationship. And that there are paths for us to move on. But not together.

I have let this person become such a big part of my life that I simply can’t see beyond this loss. And rationally I know, time will heal things. I know that a day will come when I’ll pick myself up again and will retain this relationship as something precious by keeping the memory of the good times we had together. But today I am heartbroken.

And this is where my clients come on stage again. I can’t thank them enough for their wisdom they shared with me. One such conversation I had while delivering a training in Poland in the end of July. One of the participants, a gentle, caring, amazingly brave and creative young man said something, while we were having a conversation, which made me think.

Perhaps my purpose on this planet is not to be happy. Perhaps my purpose on this planet is to make others happy, but my own happiness is beyond my reach. I have always thought happiness is somewhat overrated and following what Hemingway was supposed to say, that “happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.” I somewhat agreed. Until this person came along. Together with this person I have experienced moments of biggest joy, excitement, passion, love, gratitude and, yes, genuine happiness. And I want more of this of course. But no matter how much I want it, our tomorrow won’t be.

So today I am realising once and for all, that I am losing this person and as much as I have tried everything, things won’t work out for us. I am coming back to be the old me, the one who does not believe in happiness.

And here comes a beautiful quote from my participant. He said it out loud, during our conversation. Later on, by the end of the training, he brought me a present. I am attaching the present in the photo below. The quote on the back of the Miro-like picture said:

“Maybe I don’t believe in happiness, but that doesn’t mean I believe in sadness.”  (Lucio, copyright allowed to Biba)

Thank you so much Lucio. So maybe I don’t believe in happiness anymore. And maybe I won’t manage to move on from this loss. Perhaps I will become an old, bitter person, closed up to the world. Or maybe not. But I don’t believe in sadness either. Whatever will be, I will never forget the moments when random people connect in their humanity and share some of their vulnerability and sadness. It is one of the best assets we possess as living creatures when things hurt.

Biba

London Calling! And an Open Call to experience SFBT conversations

Dear reader,

Tomorrow I’m partly moving back to London (UK) for one year. It’s actually huge news, as I’ll be attending a Diploma in Solution Focused Practice, hence becoming a Solution Focused Brief Therapist. I’m burning enthusiasm and energy! But I need your help.

You see, what practitioners say is not the same to what practitioners do. Talking about therapy or coaching is nowhere near to doing either of it. One cannot learn how to facilitate useful conversations from books alone. It takes a lot of practice.

So I’m moving to London for this particular reason. I reached a certain point in my life where I am proud of my work as a trainer and a coach and I trust my clients to have all the resorces necessary to make a change they want to see. So when the student is ready, the teacher will appear, they say. Ribalon’s second season is slowly closing, as is 2016. This year we launched the first Slovenian professional training in Solution Focused Practice and we splendidly coordinated and carried out our first European international project Coaching for Change. Both promising projects give me confidence that there’s a bright future for Ribalon and for Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) in Slovenia. Like at the very beginning, I still very much believe SFBT is radically different to any other approach to coaching and therapy. And I want people to experience it, make use of it and learn how to benefit from it. So it’s only natural to return back to practice and sharpen my skills so I carry out my mission the best I can, to do SFBT justice.

I will be surrounded by many people in London, who are eager to see me succeed, perform well and who will assist me in my professional development. Meaning, they will closely monitor my work with clients. And I cannot do any work without my clients. My clients are my best teachers and the only true stakeholders to assess whether our work has been useful. I can’t create opportunities alone. Nor can I make a positive difference to anybody, without clients.

This is a call and an invitation for you, who are following this blog and for those you know, who are looking for opportunity to make a difference in their own, or their significant others lives. I’m inviting you to join this journey as a client and to experience the magic of SFBT yourself and contribute to its spread.

Simply click on the link below (a document with more detailed information) and apply. I would be honoured, if you would forward this Call to anybody whom you wish the best and would like to see them discover or find what they are looking for.

OPEN CALL for participants to be engaged in SFBT conversations

Many thanks and – see you soon!

Biba

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It’s not a goodbye. It’s a new hello!

Sugar Daddy – going out with someone who is double your age

Dear reader,

if you have a partner in your life that you love and loves you back, you have everything you need. Regardless the gender, type of love, race, status or age.

I remember when I was younger, I had this belief that I’m not interested in romance. That I would never marry. I cherished freedom way too much and couldn’t picture being attached to someone and look at them 24 hours/day till the end of my life or for the whole eternity.

I didn’t understand what love is, obviously.

Now I’m married to a man who is 29 years older than me. It’s quite a daring thing and also it has certain stereotypes attached to it. Some of them might include:

  • the older partner has a middle age crisis, is tired of the current partner and is looking for “fresh meat”
  • the younger partner needs a sponsor, so called sugar daddy/mommy
  • it’s all about the money and sex
  • it’s not going to last
  • the younger partner will eventually have other plans
  • the older partner won’t be able to keep up with the speed and aspirations of the younger one
  • they won’t have common friends
  • they won’t have a family together
  • they don’t have a future together
  • the younger partner messed up the older one’s head through sex
  • the older parter is the boss
  • the younger partner is stupid
  • having another go when you’re older than 50 makes no sense
  • etc.

I can firmly confirm that none of the above stereotypes is true in our case (and we’ve been together for over 7 years now). However they might contain some seeds of the truth.

Every relationship requires work. But this work is something you love to do, when you appreciate and enjoy your partner. It doesn’t have to be hard work, but it’s definitely work. Like a workout – if you like to do it, then it’s not hard work. If you don’t like to do it, every move and exercise is hard and annoying. My husband says his biggest regret in life was not being patient and confident enough to have waited for me, so he settled for less. And if I knew what kind of person he really was, I would accept his proposal and dive into this relationship much earlier.

In the “un-ordinary” relationships some salient traits take more attention and consciousness than they would in ordinary relationships. This doesn’t mean the relationship is any different than the other. During our time of being together, we noticed that sometimes other people had more problems with our relationship than did we. And in most of the cases, these were the people who had messy relationships themselves (you know: if I can’t do it properly, I will teach others how to do it). However we were very lucky: my friends were very happy for me when we got together and his friends were thrilled for him that he found someone to fit. Actually, I was quite surprised by their reactions, because they didn’t even bother to look at the age difference, but were genuinely happy for both of us, by seeing us happy together. They noticed the difference how we’ve been before and how we’ve become after us.

Neither of us rationally wanted this relationship. We tried to stay apart and persuaded us it wouldn’t work. As he fell in love with me, I kept telling him it will pass and didn’t believe when he told me something like this has never happened to him before. But then instead of getting out, I fell in love too. Though we tried hard to forget and even break this relationship (I even went out of the country), we couldn’t stay apart. Of course we had issues after getting together. We had to adjust, had to do the “fine tuning”. We survived and came out better. We now both agree that together we’ve become a better version of ourselves than we were before we’ve met each other. Being brought up in a society that functions through the stereotypes, of course we were both scared and full of doubts. I was scared he’s gonna change his mind, he was scared I would leave him for a younger fellow. We both didn’t trust the other, not because we wouldn’t trust per se or because we would have some contrary evidence, but because we were imbued with stereotypes, social expectations and biased in our beliefs. To confess that there was no need for a backup plan or to drive in lower gear. It took quite a while and courage to let go of all this clutter and truly confess that what we have is amazing, stable and we can finally relax, because we found the other soulmate. Once you find one, you don’t have to live your life in another way that pleases your partner, you don’t have to change who you are and you don’t have to look for a way out and find some comfort in others, because there is no need to do so. Then you actually want to be loyal, fidelity is not a problem, you want to make the other person happy and you give up some of your habits voluntarily, even before anyone asks for it. Yes, sometimes also good things happen to you and you don’t have to double or tripple check whether what you have is truly a diamond or a fake.

Sometimes people are curious and ask me what it’s like being in such a relationship with an older man. Some friends ask me for experience and advice when they find themselves in a similar situation and are not sure whether their relationship has a future or not. I’m always very grateful for their questions, so I share my experience and it is actually not that difficult and not at all different from any other relationship challenges. Do you care for that person? Can you picture your life without them? What makes it worthwhile being together with that person, what good qualities of yours does this person awake in you? Are you happy giving in this relationship (not only taking)? Do you love yourself enough so that you can be in the relationship with someone else? Are you happy when you see the other person being happy? Do you have dreams about your partner, happy dreams? If your partner had an accident or gets ill, what would you really do (not what society implies you to do)?

Who knows what will happen in the future. Probably no relationship is meant to last forever, Disney fairy tales are a huge lie and cause damage. So if you are lucky, you might find someone with whom you create a bind that makes each of you fulfilled. I don’t know whether we have only one soulmate in life. But I do know that it is very rare to find even one. Of course at the beginning of each relationship you might feel this is the one and you found it. But only time will show whether if it is really the one, once you put the pink glasses off. And in most cases, one year is not a long enough period.

I’m happy with and in my relationship and proud of my partner. Age doesn’t matter, I can confirm this. It does have a certain influence, but it doesn’t really matter. Stereotypes are important to consider and to be able to defend your relationship if they are not true and you have mean people around. But don’t worry about it too much – these people have their own problems, this is probably why they are overwhelmed with your relationship. Other people don’t matter. Your partner matters. And you matter. And those who are happy for you matter.

Good luck nourishing your un-ordinary, diverse, crazy, wild, daring, special relationships. And don’t forget to enjoy the ride!

Biba

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When you find someone that is your kind of crazy, you become a rich person.

When You Lose Someone Dear

Dear reader,

my dog died. I just found out over the phone.

Those of you who own (or have owned) a pet know, how painful this is. It’s like losing a family member. Pets are the best listeners, best friends and most loyal companions. They never judge, they always forgive and they never expect anything in return. They are these small creatures with big hearts.

I wasn’t around much in the last few years, my dog stayed with my mom, because I travel so much or have moved a lot in the past, so I couldn’t keep her. But she’s been an important part of my life and she gave me so much. I miss her and I’m in pain but also angry, because I wasn’t there when she needed me.

This is the fifth dog I’ve lost. And each time I feel the same amount of grief and sorrow. And though it hurts a lot, I know I’ll own a dog again. Because it’s just one of the best life companions. By inviting an animal to join you in life, already then you commit to losing her. You know it will be painful and yet you do it anyway. Because you know how much joy this animal will bring into your life and you know that this pet will have a great life while staying with you. So you consciously unfold and expose your heart to a great chance of being hurt, but what you get in return somehow outweighs all the negative aspects and risks.

I’m happy we still dare to take our chances to get hurt. It makes us alive, not only living.

R.I.P. Buba. I love you still, though you’re physically not here anymore. As long as I’m alive, so is your memory. Thank you for being an important part of me, you small dog with a big heart.

Bubci

Buba

Meet a person who saved my life and doesn’t know it

Dear reader,

sometimes your actions echo and reach much much further than you may realize. Well I think that most of your actions cause somehow a snowball effect, only you might not be aware of it.

Here’s a story about someone that had much influence on my character in the past and is still very, very special to me. A story about someone, who used to be like a mother when I needed one most. A story of someone whom I call my person, the one that watched me grow up and stayed, even until today. Her name is M.

She used to be my teacher in grammar school. I was in love with her. She was my role model and everything she said or did, I wanted to be like her. She had a great sense of humour and my notebooks were full of short notices about the jokes she made in class. She was also a poet and inspired me to write myself. I secretly wished that I would somehow resemble her when I grow up. But I was a messy teenager. Very bright and hardworking, but not very well behaved. I believed in justice and couldn’t keep my mouth shut when I noticed some iniquities. I was also very active and would be in first rows when somebody would propose some action, even though it might have been a silly one. So I happened to be a co-editor of a school paper, which my class had set up and wrote many articles for it. In the beginning of my third year, I was preparing for a national ballet competition and I was quite unhappy about my ballet teacher’s work and attitude. He made it clear I was not his protégé, even though I was the only one in class being sent to this competition. I was upset with his methods and behaviour, and not just his, but the entire school policy. Ballet world sucks – it’s very competitive, most of the discussions are around your obeying body and relationships are harsh. But I didn’t mind it back then. What I did mind, was that I wanted to work even harder, but had no opportunity to do so. I wanted more trainings, more lessons, but couldn’t find a listening ear that would enable me to develop to the maximum. So since nobody would listen, I wrote an article about this – an anonymous one, without names, but I did put a signature, which clearly pointed to me as an author. I didn’t want to hide, but didn’t want to point fingers either. I felt I had to let it out and hoped that something would change.

Much changed, and the change came rapidly. My ballet teacher recognized himself in this piece of writing and went mad. I was called up into his office and he yelled at me for about half an hour so loud, that the entire school heard it. I was called names, was threatened and in the end, sent home with a prohibition to come back until the teaching staff board meeting. What was worse, was that he revealed himself as being the person I was referring to in the article, so that everybody knew who he was and what he’s doing and that upset him even more.

I went home. I was petrified. And shocked. My intention was not to harm anybody, but to raise an issue that it is time for a change and discussion. Everything I told was the truth and furthermore, it was not my opinion entirely. We talked about these issues and most of my other colleagues agreed with my concerns, but as soon as this happened, their mouths were shut and I was left alone.

The board meeting was in a few days. I was not allowed to attend trainings in the meantime. When the board was over, M. approached me and said they were considering expulsion. But she told me not to worry, because it’s not going to happen. Later on I heard that she stood up for me in the meeting and claimed that all I did was expressing my opinion in a free speech country and I should not be punished for daring to step out to say the emperor’s naked. She was the only one who dared to say something in my defence. So they did not expel me, I only got a final notice. But the ballet teacher withdrew his mentorship and wouldn’t talk to me for one year, even though I won the second place in that competition. However, inspite of that I cried almost every night, because my spirit was broken. And this was the end of my wild nature. It was the beginning of the end of my career as a dancer, only I didn’t know this at that point. I was only 16.

The end happened about 5 years later. Following years brought me much trouble and some very difficult time. When I left the opera house, I was a nervous wreck. Most of the people abandoned me. M. stayed. But she never asked anything. Never judged. She left me alone, but not lonely. Never gave me “the disgusting look” I frequently got from the others in terms of “look at her, she’s destroying herself and there’s no hope for her”. She was just simply there as if nothing was wrong and I was always good enough, even though I was nothing and felt like nothing.

After I went to the university, she stayed still. Talked to me about different things. She was interested in how I was doing. And I think she saved my life, because she showed me that life goes on, no matter what. That even though you lose everything, some people stay. Not because of what you do and how you do it, but simply because you are and that’s enough. This was huge for me and made me realize, she was there the whole time, from the first day I came to this school. She wrote a letter to me when I was in a hospital and couldn’t rehearse. She congratulated me for my birthday, every year. She read my poems and encouraged me to write, because she thought I was talented. And she was proud when I graduated and won the Prešeren’s prize.

She’s retired now, but we still keep in touch. Our relationship has changed, because she’s not my teacher anymore and I’m a grown-up, but it has become an even better one. She follows this blog and I know that when she’ll read this post, she’ll be very surprised. So here’s to you, M.: You probably had no idea what a positive influence you had on my development. Nevertheless, yes – you saved my life and you contributed a great deal to my moral education. I’m grateful to have the opportunity to share a piece of my life with you and have a tiny place in yours. It is a gem for me and no words will ever be enough to say thank you for what you have done and that you are still here.

Once we spent an afternoon at your place and you gave me a small notebook. I use it to write good things in it, that have happened to me. And there are actually many things in there! So maybe I’ll start writing some posts in Slovenian, as you requested. Maybe the time is right to do so.

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You were born to count the stars PART 1

A Touch of sLOVEnia broadcasting internationally.

A youth exchange in an organic farm, somewhere far away from factories and shopping malls. About 25 people from all over Europe. And my very first time as a trainer in a setting as such.

Dear reader,

all you really need is not a great pair of shoes. I just came back from the above event and as I’m going through the photos and am trying to organize memories. I feel the time is right to share with you what’s up.

This youth exchange was something beyond special. It was an opportunity to stop time, unplug wifi, forget the phone charger and throw makeup into a trash. As always, at the beginning when I have a group to lead and a message to deliver, I get a bit nervous. But not this negative nervousness, but more of an excited one. I was worried whether the group members would understand the message and whether they would have it difficult adapting and simplifying their way of life for the time being at this exchange. Besides solar showers and compost toilets, there was also very strict non alcohol and drug policy as well as vegetarian food.  Not everybody is able adapt to this, yet alone to understand what to do and how to spend the time instead of browsing and tweeting. Will the group of people who don’t know most of the others and are aged between 16-25 be able to manage?

This group managed and they managed the first day already. The energy we created was so inspiring and I think they (and hope) learned soooo much in such a short period of time. For example, take an exercise: you get a certain social role assigned and you have to place yourself up the scale according to what the facilitator asks. Questions like “can you vote, are you able to bring your friends over for dinner, are your children going to be safe in the future, can you afford to buy new clothes every 3 months”, etc. etc. Each member had a different role. And as we climbed up the scale, many were left behind and some were progressing forward. In the debriefing phase we discussed about this. And people who were way in front (privileged) noticed that none of them was there because of their own efforts. Maybe it was a rich daddy’s influence, maybe a political party they belonged to or maybe they were children of successful traders. But none of them was privileged because of their own work.

It touched us deeply. As we shared the emotions in the end, a girl who was among “well off” members said, she was disappointed. And she was right. Society isn’t just. And the position we are in, has most of the time nothing to do with our work or efforts. Equal opportunities suddenly gain importance and at the same time become a vague concept.

Anyhow, this was just to illustrate about the group’s maturity.

I’m sitting in front of this stupidd screen now. And am going through what has happened in the 3 days we’ve been together. The exchange isn’t over yet, just I had to leave because I have some other obligations to fulfill. So I think right now the group is having dinner and is hopefully checking their “gossip box”. I hope they will find something nice in there.

More to follow …

07D_2360

Mandala of trust, understanding, respect and love.

Happy Anniversary!

Dear reader,

it’s one year since the very first post on this blog.

I’m happy. There seem to be over 1600 readers from over 35 countries and that certainly is a sign that this blog has something people like to follow.

When I published the previous post about expectations, regret and disappointment, something unexpected happened. There were messages in my mailbox, sending best wishes and encouraging words. Some of you who are close to me (but far geographically) even made efforts to see me on skype and make sure I was doing okay. And I really appreciated your care. But one message especially made a huge difference. It was from a girl I saw only once and have never heard from again. She’s been in one of my workshops and then appointed a private session to which she later on didn’t come. I thought she changed her mind or didn’t want to come for whatever good reason. She wrote in her message that because of our conversation after the workshop, she felt like someone or something has touched her from within and placed her in an entirely new place, a fresh start and opened up in front of her a brand new day. She wrote further about all the changes she has made in her life after the workshop and indeed she had travelled a remarkable journey. The steps she had taken were beyond baby steps. And she said that my workshop got her to kick off. And that I should keep going, because my work matters.

So I guess I have no choice. This is the best gift I could possibly get for this page’s anniversary. And here’s some news. My husband and I decided it is no use to wait for a perfect time to come, because the time to start is right now and the place to start is right here. There will soon be workshops and events going on in our town as well. We have a plan and you will all be invited to join! Opportunities to act are everywhere, if only you are ready to look for it. Same is with love. Even though it might sometimes look like there is only violence and hate in this world. Think again and take the below picture as a proof.

Bodensee

Love is everywhere. This love was “am Bodensee”.