Slow Down

Dear reader,

we live in a culture who tells us that we are only all right when and if we are constantly developing, changing, adapting, moving and growing.

I think this makes us miserable.

Several reasons to underpin this thesis. First is quite obvious: the world keeps telling us that no matter how well we perform today, we will have to do more the next year or month. Be more productive, innovative, creative, responsive, agile, be it whatever adjective you choose. We will always have to do something else, something additional. This way we are never good enough and in case we fail, guess who is to blame. Nobody else but ourselves. Because we live in a world where we can become whoever we want to be, we can reach to the highest mountain of dreams, only if we choose to do so.

Second, based on the first, we are not allowed to stop and put down our roots. We are not allowed to take a breath, admit that we have had enough and that we want to live a stable and secure life.

Strivings towards excessive self growth is nothing but a capitalistic discourse undercover. Self help and self development industry is not there to help you live a fulfilled life worth living. It is trying to turn you into a consumer, be it by telling you that you have to invest in yourself by either being enrolled in dozens of courses and fitnesses, buying goji berries and maca shakes or strive towards constant progress and growth.

How about we look out for an alternative for a change. Sometimes good enough is good enough. Sometimes you are already giving your maximum, so perhaps it is time that you tap yourself on your shoulder and say to yourself that you have done a good job. And you do not have to do more. Instead it might be perfectly all right to spend an evening out with your dog or friends, or watch telly or have that fattening meal out.

We are not machines. We are human beings. And as such far far from being perfect. And we will all die. One day all of our aspirations and hard work will be forgotten. Once you are in your fast lane before dying, it won’t matter how much you have accomplished. It won’t matter that you know everything about yourself (or others). It won’t matter that you were always rushing, always trying to exceed yourself. Because you will die anyway, same as everyone else will.

I don’t know what a definition of a good life is. But I am sure that self help and self development movement does not aim at that. It only wants you to become what you already are – an obeying consumer.

Your life. Your choice. Sometimes good enough is good enough.

Biba

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From our Coaching for Change training course in 2016. We couldn’t care less about progress 🙂 

Meet a Fellow of the Royal Society of Arts

A very special day today and I want to share it with you, my friends and readers.
 
A couple of weeks ago I got recommended to become a part of the ROYAL SOCIETY OF ARTS from a British distinguished fellow who noticed my work and found it meaningful. The Royal Society of Arts was founded in Covent Garden in 1754 and included Dickens, Marx, Hawking, Diefenbaker, Berners-Lee and many others among its fellows, who wanted to change the world for the better. You can only get in by invitation and recommendation to be viewed as a meaningful member. Today I got admitted and have become a full member.
 
The Royal Society of Arts has been a source of innovation, ideas and inspiration for over 260 years and is a platform for the world’s leading thinkers,sharing their ideas online, while its Action and Research Centre searches for new and innovative ways to solve society’s greatest challenges. The Society consists of 27,000 worldwide fellows, has its own funding and venue in London available for use and is a great entity that helps turn ideas into action. Now you know where I’ll spend my spare time while in London!
 
So now I’ve become a part of this network and society – the first and only one in Slovenia ever. Meaning I now have access and privilege to connect to the world greatest thinkers and trend-setters. This is also news for you – Slovenia now has a fellow through which you can benefit and be engaged as well. The RSA has funding available for projects that make a positive difference in our society – so if you have ideas and need funding, step in touch with me and I can help you make your project come true.
 
This is such a special moment. I’m being really emotional right now and can’t even write or think in my mother tongue. But it looks like all my years of voluntary work have finally paid off … 🙂 and my Ribalon can continue being an autonomous, independent institution who does what it thinks is right, not what its funders and financers expect it to do. This is big, it is very big. Some say dream big and big things will happen to you. I always dream small and yet huge things happen to me.
Here’s to us – to you and me and to all the upcoming projects we’ll do together that will make a difference!
 
Biba, FRSA
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Your Wish is My Command – Skype meetings available for the international clients

Dear reader,

recently, I’ve been super busy with workshops and getting the programme ready for our Slovenian SF Training. I’m getting more and more requests to organise something for people outside Slovenia as well – from other bloggers, my followers, fellow coaches, potential clients, people who appreciate future focused approaches, people who want to learn soft skills, people who hold demanding positions in big organisations, people who want to change their lives, people who want to find happiness, freedom, joy, bliss, a new job, a new partner; and also people who don’t want to be where they currently are, people who are in trouble, debt, lost, miserable, depressed, hurt, abandoned, lonely, etc.

Great news for all of you: your wish is my command, so if you ask, you shall be answered. One on one sessions are from this day officially available also for international clients through Skype. Until now there has been this option available, but not regularly and as the number of requests and testimonials grew, I now have two days a week reserved for coaching and therapy sessions for international clients. All you have to do is send me an inquiry and request to Skype at info@ribalon.org with your preferred time to start working and any questions you may have. I’ll try to answer a few in advance:

Here’s a brief description of me in five words: Integrity, minimalism, simplicity, humour and professionalism. I can adjust to your language, so we can talk in English, German and Slovenian (Croatian, Serbian). Also Spanish and French might work with a little practice. You’ll let me know when it’s best for you to talk online, regardless your time zone and I will do my best to adjust to you.

Here’s an example of what a Solution Focused session might look like. I’m well trained by World’s best trainers and teachers and have more than 10 years of experience working with people, recently also organisations, who find themselves in complex situations and want an immediate way forward. I put working from my heart, compassion and care, before my professionalism (see my signature for a story on that).

Payments are made through bank transfer or on site. Your investment in return varies according to the service you choose. If your current financial situation might limit your cooperation, come to me anyway and we’ll find a solution.

I’m very much looking forward to be working with you and to meet you. It’s amazing how distance nowadays doesn’t matter anymore and how easy it’s become to meet likeminded people. Who knows – this might be just the perfect moment for you to start something big for yourself. I’m very happy to partly go through this journey with you!

Biba

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A Word About Trust

Dear reader,

Is it easy to trust? Do you sometimes feel that you should and could trust someone or something, but under certain conditions, like be aware even though you trust and at the same time make your own assumptions, just in case something unexpected might happen? You know – not to be disappointed if it doesn’t work out?

Trust is simple. And because it is simple in theory, it is tremendously difficult in practice. I’ve seen several clients this week and some of them were already in their following sessions. It was only natural of course that a question of effect has come in sight. I always try to do a good job, believing if you decide to do it, do it well or if you cannot do it the best way it can be done, drop it or don’t even go there if you are not going to do it properly. Perfectionism?

Since I’m a beginner, I do not have many reference points to take refuge in, so I’m working in the dark. I have several clients whose best hopes are finding motivation and energy to finish their studies or prepare for their exams (it is currently the exam period at our university). So we do “At your best” scenarios in order to create possible context and hence add to possible behaviour patterns. I had no idea whether what we did has been useful for them, and one day, sitting in front of my laptop, I so much wished I could read/watch some similar session from experienced SF therapist so I could see if I’m moving in the right direction. It was only a brief thought and then I had other stuff to do.

Also later that day, I did some reflection and wondered whether others doing Brief Therapy encounter the same dilemmas as I do or am I just wandering in a fog, because I’m alone in this. Quietly asked for some sign that would tell me where I was and whether I’m moving or just standing. The sign came to me in a form of transcribed “At your best” session I accidentally found when browsing the internet. And another one, an interview with a well-respected therapist confirming I was not alone. The article in a book The Art of Solution Focused Therapy (2009) confirmed that others had similar or same dilemmas as I currently have and that this is part of making progress. It may sound banal, but it’s not, because I found it now, not before, and I needed it now. I realized I had to give up the struggle and all the stress fearing something might go wrong. Instead I had to let go of worries and welcome the signs, trusting they will come. And they did.

Then I remembered I’ve done this before – let go and trust. By letting go I don’t mean that you don’t have to do anything, quite the opposite, you are very active! What you let go is the worry of HOW you are going to make/do it. You trust that the path will emerge itself. And it does if you trust. I’m not sure if this can be learned, but it certainly is possible (even though I still constantly fall out of this state and begin to struggle and doubt again and again). Several years ago as my husband and I were considering getting a new car, because our old one was in its last bits of being alive. I don’t care much about cars, but I’ve always favoured Peugeot 206 (old model). I trusted this will be my dream car one day, it was just the fact. I was not bothered why and how at all. We got an orange one and didn’t even look for it very much, so I’m proudly driving my dream car now and it is indeed a really nice car. Silly I know, but let a child have some fun.

Another story, happened about one year later in 2011: I was in the last stage of writing my diploma thesis. Those of you who’ve done it know, it is hard work and takes much time and efforts. I was no different. I was writing my thesis for 9 months, and it was a fine piece of work that was later awarded with the highest prize for academic achievements at my university. But during the process of writing of course I thought it is going nowhere and it is taking forever and I just want this to be over … blabla. Then, realising I was almost there and finishing it will mean a certain breaking point in my life, as it will mean that the period of my student life will come to an end (I didn’t even think about continuing studying on doctoral level), I should reward myself with something I’ll remember for good. And since the reward will be meaningful, I should put myself together and finish my work in a way that it will justify the award. As a child I wanted to play a piano and even learned to play it myself, but my family couldn’t afford it and I refused to have the electric one, because it’s just not real sound, so I played violin, as I’ve told you before. But the dream remained, and as a child I promised myself that one day I’ll have a piano, a grand piano.

So maybe the time was right for this dream to come true. But you know, these things cost a fortune and it is really difficult to find the right one (the instrument finds you, not any instrument will do, but it has to be “yours” and has to feel like a part of you – to complete you. I trusted it will be there when I finish my thesis. How and what and when exactly was left to the process. So when the time was right we found a maestro who had it custom made for me. I can remember as if it were yesterday when I first played it, it was still in maestro’s workshop and the piano didn’t even have the cover and all. I knew he was mine the moment my fingers touched his keyboard. It has a really warm and gentle sound, I wouldn’t trade it for any other piano in the world. The thing is, by sharing these two stories I remembered I’ve trusted before and sort of miracles have happened.

Guess when you make a wish and the wish is right for you and you really want this with pure intentions, it will happen in the way that is right for you. I know this may sound like a pink fairy tale, I’m sorry for that. It may be so, but the ugly truth is, that this moments are rare and it is really difficult to let go. But it can be done. So today I trust my work that it will do good, because my intentions are pure and I’m really curious about the solutions my clients will come up with. But I have absolutely no intention to do this instead of them or to have any doubts in their abilities, because they can do it way better than anyone else.

sulci

The photo was taken on the day the piano came to us and moved in. I remember playing till 3 o’clock in that morning.