Tag Archives: stereotype

Crazy people go into therapy. Even more crazy people offer it.

Dear reader

Rumour has it people, interested in psychotherapy, psychology, etc. have big issues themselves and apply to study these sciences in order to resolve their own personal problems. Don’t know whether this is universal stereotype, it certainly is a common one in my country. I’ve also been labelled as »she’s into therapy because she needs one« from people who are jealous or have their own issues and feel threatened by my success. Not being bothered by these, I just sit back and let the karma do its thing.

However, digging a bit deeper, there is something in there. Many (or even most?) profound therapists and psychotherapists have gone through all sorts of personal tragedies themselves. Like for example Milton H. Erickson and Virginia Satir, who’ve been great inspiration for solution focused pioneers back in 1970’s and 1980’s. You might say that they developed their therapy approaches because they wanted to help themselves. But you know what? They were brave, very brave. They learned from their circumstances and more, they used it as a means to find a tool that would be accessible to others as well. They made a step forward, from their lowest point to a selfless sharing. Maybe that’s even why they became so influential and famous – because they spoke from experience. Their »I know what it’s like« actually meant they really knew. Who could better understand your situation than the one who’s experienced it him/herself, or at least was in a similar one at one point of his/her life? Also seeking help when needed is an act about great courage. People who don’t have the courage, make remarks. People who do, take actions.

As you probably know the proverb that goes something like “is not so much about who never fails, but it’s more about how many times they managed to get up”. Well that’s exactly that. I know I would only trust a person who speaks what he/she’s actually experienced and/or about what he/she truly understands. Would not add any value and validity, if his/her example was different than words. Or if it was just “a nice thing to say” or tons of beautiful speaches and advice I didn’t ask for. Maybe that’s a bit difficult to relate to, but I’m sure you have experienced a moment that you felt bonded to someone, simply because of her/his charisma, energy, warmth, that something about that person and you felt this person has something for you to take, and you have something you want to give back. Or pass it on. You felt comfortable together and even though you might not remember what the other did or said, you would evaluate your time spent together useful and pleasant. I dare to say that most of my clients come to me (or keep coming) because they feel related to me. To my basic being, not my qualification, not my education, expertise, whatever. We bond and that’s the first basic ground that predicts good work we could do together.

So maybe partly, the stereotype is true. As it is with most prejudice – they often contain at least some seed of the truth. But even though it may be true, the evil tongues fail to acknowledge that most great therapists, psychotherapists, psychologists, even coaches and trainers were those who had HAD personal experience of a very difficult situation AND were brave, modest, selfless enough to be able to share their experience and their learning from it with others in order to make it less difficult for some. At least that’s what they are hoping for. I know that’s what I’m hoping for.

nightsky

A nightsky on my journey back home from American training and conference. See “a fierce journey” article for what the overall travel looked like.

A Fierce Journey

Dear reader,

Has it ever happened to you, that suddenly everything you thought you knew was an illusion and what you thought is blue turned out to be red actually? Or in other words – have you ever experienced a feeling, where nothing makes sense anymore and doesn’t fit any of your frames, yet it is the most incredible experience? Well me too. That’s what my American journey looked like.

On one hand, I’ve learned even more about SFBT, had a supervision on a difficult case of mine, have met soul mates who share same ideals about it as I do and also was able to talk to world famous therapists and yet didn’t feel like an amateur. In solution focused environment that kind of thing wouldn’t happen anyway, as it is a very safe environment to learn, to be heard, to be seen, respected and to have a possibility to learn from the best. And they even show genuine interest in you and your work.

Now then. On the other hand, our training and conference was at a venue so much different to what I call a “known situation”. A totally different world, not only visually, but also culturally. For example some stereotypes: In a land where obesity represents a major problem, I’ve lost more than 2kgs. In a land where there are mainly hamburgers and fries, I had organic almond milk for breakfast. It took me 34 hours outbound to my final destination and more than 24 hours back. Including a delay, a missed plane, a rebooked one, a lost luggage and certainly many lost nerves. I busted into tears in the middle of the Heathrow airport in London, just because it was so damn big, that I freaked out. The next second I laughed for the very same reason. Anyway, to return to America: in a city with the elevation of more than 7,000 feet it is said not to pursue too much physical activity in the first few days and after my 34 hours of travel and flying, I walked from the airport to the hostel for more than 9 miles (had to stop in the outlets of course, and that was NOT in the same direction!). My shoes cancelled on me afterwards. Finally, after 6 hours of walking, I reached the hostel and announced my glorious journey and since then I was referred to as “the girl who walked from the airport”. After that I realized there was a bus for 2$/daily pass so that ended the walking odyssey.

How did I survive all of that? Not always, but mostly, I tried to focus and be present. Instead of complaining, I was thinking compliments. Instead of being self-centred I turned outwards. Instead of letting my emotion and body to take over in terms of being exhausted and stressed, I gently embraced that tired and nervous part of me and managed to calm it. It was one of the fiercest things I’ve ever done and yet a gentle one.

I wrote in my award proposal that if I am to win this award, this would mean that I could grow a bit more, I could spread my wings to other continents and make some contacts for future collaboration as well as could return back home with more knowledge and open-mindedness to share it with people around me.

That didn’t quite happen. Again, as written in my “About” section, the reality turned out so much better. I have gained confidence now as a therapist. Much more confidence, and I was doing ok before. I’ve deepened my skills. Mostly in terms that I’m okay with the “not knowing” and have gained trust into the client’s abilities. That they will tell me what I need to know. But most important, I’ve reached the limits of my comfort zone. And have crossed it. And I know that tomorrow I might be back on the old track of habits and comfort. Will definitely bring back these lost kilos :). But I realize now that everything I thought was black could be white and that I can go through more of this. Much more than I can imagine. Actually I’m looking forward to it.

Feels good to be back. Might get me some fries now, to justify the stereotype.

santafe

Do you think sky is the limit? What is limit?