Tag Archives: support

London Calling! And an Open Call to experience SFBT conversations

Dear reader,

Tomorrow I’m partly moving back to London (UK) for one year. It’s actually huge news, as I’ll be attending a Diploma in Solution Focused Practice, hence becoming a Solution Focused Brief Therapist. I’m burning enthusiasm and energy! But I need your help.

You see, what practitioners say is not the same to what practitioners do. Talking about therapy or coaching is nowhere near to doing either of it. One cannot learn how to facilitate useful conversations from books alone. It takes a lot of practice.

So I’m moving to London for this particular reason. I reached a certain point in my life where I am proud of my work as a trainer and a coach and I trust my clients to have all the resorces necessary to make a change they want to see. So when the student is ready, the teacher will appear, they say. Ribalon’s second season is slowly closing, as is 2016. This year we launched the first Slovenian professional training in Solution Focused Practice and we splendidly coordinated and carried out our first European international project Coaching for Change. Both promising projects give me confidence that there’s a bright future for Ribalon and for Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) in Slovenia. Like at the very beginning, I still very much believe SFBT is radically different to any other approach to coaching and therapy. And I want people to experience it, make use of it and learn how to benefit from it. So it’s only natural to return back to practice and sharpen my skills so I carry out my mission the best I can, to do SFBT justice.

I will be surrounded by many people in London, who are eager to see me succeed, perform well and who will assist me in my professional development. Meaning, they will closely monitor my work with clients. And I cannot do any work without my clients. My clients are my best teachers and the only true stakeholders to assess whether our work has been useful. I can’t create opportunities alone. Nor can I make a positive difference to anybody, without clients.

This is a call and an invitation for you, who are following this blog and for those you know, who are looking for opportunity to make a difference in their own, or their significant others lives. I’m inviting you to join this journey as a client and to experience the magic of SFBT yourself and contribute to its spread.

Simply click on the link below (a document with more detailed information) and apply. I would be honoured, if you would forward this Call to anybody whom you wish the best and would like to see them discover or find what they are looking for.

OPEN CALL for participants to be engaged in SFBT conversations

Many thanks and – see you soon!

Biba

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It’s not a goodbye. It’s a new hello!

There are no rules in life. There are only roles in life

Dear reader,

my hands are shaking from excitement as I’m writing this. Finished a videoconference call with a client from Germany in the morning and she pulled the trigger for this post.

She was diagnosed with pathological shyness in the past, as she was unable develop or keep normal relationships. She lived with this diagnosis her entire teenage life and is currently in the final year of her undergraduate studies. She sought my help because she asked for a coaching conversation with someone unknown, unbiased, who is keen on student population, their concerns and problems and would help her find a way forward.

As we talked, it turned out she is thinking about moving out of her country and continuing her studies on the masters level somewhere abroad. She was struggling with her indecisiveness, her fear that she would be unable to cope with unknown people and situations, as well as feeling frightened what would happen in case she doesn’t succeed.  It was pretty much a story that takes place quite often with young people at that age. Then something beautiful happened and I’m copying a section from our conversation (with her approval). Let’s call her Anna and I leave it up to you to decide whether this girl is truly pathologically shy:

Anna: … you know, it’s like first you have to go to school. Then you have to go to university. You have to perform with top scores, otherwise you won’t feel like you’re worth anything. Be the top of your class. Lend notes to your colleagues. Go to parties you don’t like. Get a boyfriend. Have sex because it’s embarrassing if you don’t at the age of 20. Then think about your masters. Get into the top schools, because this is how you’ll get an offer in a company. I’m trapped, I don’t think I can manage all that. And I can’t tell anybody, these thoughts are not good thoughts to have. It’s embarrassing.

Biba: what would the situation you could manage look like?

Anna: I couldn’t. I never could manage. You know I was diagnosed with being antisocial. I can’t cope because of that.

Biba: and if you somehow could? Suppose you could imagine a situation where you could manage, how might that look like?

Anna (long pause): I don’t know if I get your question. It’s a fact I can’t manage.

Biba: and if you could, how would you know you are managing?

Anna: this would be a totally different situation then!

Biba: like?

Anna (again long pause): first of all I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I wouldn’t be the person I am.

Biba: what might you be?

Anna: I would be simply … enough being me, being as I am. I would do what I like to do. At the moment I don’t really think there’s much I actually like to do. I’ve even forgotten what is it that I really like!

Biba: and what do you like?

Anna: I like to read. I like to cook. I hate numbers [note: she was enrolled in a course that contained a lot of numbers]. I hate staying up late, just because my roomate does. I actually don’t even want to go to masters.

Biba: so you’re very clear about what you don’t want.

Anna: it’s quite a surprise really. I think I hate my entire life! This is not me! I’m not shy, I just don’t like to talk to people! I don’t want to be a good quiet girl anymore either!

Biba: so if you could define it brand new …?

Anna: I would love to, but I can’t … [long pause] I can’t do it because the picture that I like doesn’t fit with what I’m supposed to do right now. And it’s already too late. You know, I don’t mean to hurt anybody or cause anybody problems, nor my parents, teachers, nobody. I was always told to be a good girl and so I was. Trying to please everybody. And I thought they would like me for doing so. But it seems like I can never be enough, just being me. I will never be enough. So I have to do the masters to achieve something. Then get a decent job to earn enough money to be independent. That’s what I would like.

Biba: that’s what you would like, is this how your preferred situation might look like that you could manage?

Anna: no! That’s my current reality and it’s overwhelming! It’s like I’m choking here.

Biba: okay. So if we keep it where you are now, you get the masters, get the job that pays your bills, where do you hope this would lead to?

Anna: I don’t know. I might wake up one day and say my life was … meaningless. Even though I might achieve everything that is expected from me to achieve … Why do we do that, why do I do that, is this normal?

Biba: I think we all try to more or less fit within the rules of our society. What do you think?

Anna: Not sure. It seems like everybody I know is pretty happy with that. They like where they are and where they go. And I’m torn inside.

Biba: I meet many people that are unhappy with that.

Anna: You know what? I actually think there are no rules in life. We invented them just because everybody does it. It doesn’t mean that everybody SHOULD do it.

Biba: it doesn’t, no.

Anna: but I am afraid to do anything about it. I could probably still turn it around when I was younger. You know, before I enrolled to this stupid class. It’s too late for me now, I can’t reverse it.

Biba: imagine we would have your 15 year old and your 30 year old arguing about who is more right to be too late, what sort of arguments might they both use to convince you?

Anna: they would both have pretty strong arguments!

Biba: so what might be their strongest anti-arguments to convince you that it is the perfect time to start over?

Anna: well I could as well be 60. I could just kill myself then.

Biba: you could as well be 23 [she was currently 22].

Anna: I know. I don’t want to waste another year. I want something better, this time for me. But it scares me, you know, it really scares me, because if I do it, I won’t have any support. Nobody knows me like that, nobody is interested in what do I want. Nobody will like who I really am.

Biba: good, it is supposed to be scary! It means it is worth it.

She was perfectly right. There are no rules in life. Sure, you are born, you go to school, you find a decent job when you are 25, you find a partner, have kids by 30, get a dog by 35, buy a house and a family car, go on vacation, pay for children’s schooling, go into menopause, possibly divorce, maybe get grandchildren, retire by 65 and hopefully, have someone to grow old with. Life has a certain natural cycle, we all get older and so far no one has survived yet. But the rules of when you should do what and how were invented because the majority does it that way, not because it should be done that way. You are supposed to eat breakfast. Exercise. Not take drugs. Learn how to drive. Sleep at night. Be faithful. Be on time. Make money. Consume a lot. Park on marked places. All these are the rules that were invented and some of them indeed make most of our lives easier to manage. It is easier if you sleep at night and if you try to follow the principles of a healthy diet. But you don’t HAVE TO do it, if you found something different that works for you. Especially if you found something that is more beneficial for you and others around you.

You don’t have to force yourself to wake up early in the morning if you are more of a night type. You don’t have to get married if you don’t believe in marriage. You don’t have to do the masters or go to university just because everybody does it. You don’t have to eat bananas because they are rich in potassium, if you hate it. You don’t have to run if you prefer swimming. Also don’t have to watch the news if it doesn’t interest you. You don’t have to participate in conversations that you find meaningless or boring.

There are no rules. There are only roles and even the roles change. If you are a parent, you are in a role of a caregiver. Once your children are adults, they might become caregivers and your role will change. If you are a spouse, you are in a role of giving and receiving love and affection. If you are 60, your body probably isn’t the same as it was when you were 20. That doesn’t mean it has to hurt or that you are unable to have regular walks if you like to.

Everything is fluid. Everything constantly changes. You don’t have to be obedient in life just because you were told you should be when you were little. It might help though in certain contexts, but there is no one out there, to whom you should kneel because they are superior. Nobody is better or worse than you are. Nobody is allowed to take the leading part of your life, as this is YOUR part and YOUR life, and it’s ending one minute at a time. So don’t take the part of a victim and don’t bend down. It is your responsibility to discover what you like, what fits you and find your passion to share and express yourself in this world.

Sure, not everybody will like you because of that and you might disappoint quite some number of people. But those who will like you for who you are and how you are, will support you. Someone I love deeply said once to me that he’s been stupid nearly all of his life. And he doesn’t mind being stupid with me as well. There is nearly 9 billion people on this planet. You will find people that share similar interests and who are happy to be your kind of stupid. Even if it’s just a few, these few can support you in your authentic happiness that comes from within your true self when you find your integrity to dare being you.

DARE to be who you are and who want to be! You have nothing to loose, you might only get rid of certain clutter you don’t need in life. There are no rules, only roles, and roles change. Constantly.

Biba

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I’ve chosen my kind of people – Solution Focused community. Together we create miracles.

We reached over 1,000 Facebook Likes: a Word About What Really Matters

Dear reader,

on my bday which was yesterday, our Ribalon Facebook page turned over 1,000 likes. A milestone to celebrate and a great gift! While I’m really pleased and honoured, that’s not the story I want to share with you today.

A week ago I attended an international Training for Trainers in youth field that was taking place in Estonia. We were 4 trainers sent there by Slovenian National Agency among a group of 26 people from all over Europe. The aim of the training was to strengthen our international dimension and deepen our skills through participative peer to peer learning. My expectations towards the training were rather high, because it was a training course organized by several European National Agencies and because I do strive towards working internationally and am curious to work in a team on a topic I haven’t worked before. But on this training I didn’t learn any new skills, nor did I strengthen my practice. Something else happened and I did not see it coming at all.

I trained some Estonian participants in the past and some of them have later on grown to become my friends. I told them I was coming and though our venue was far from Tallinn, though it was in the middle of the week and though I was only free for a couple of hours (but even then not alone), it was enough for one girl to come to visit me. It took her 6 hours one way to come. And yet there she was, like I remember her the last time I saw her. Her beautiful eyes and smile, a gentle and kind soul and such a warm personality. She’d recently been to India and brought me a scarf and some shells from the Indian Ocean for my birthday. She made extra efforts (she calls it pleasure) to call me yesterday and sing happy bday song for me over the phone. She says my blog posts are inspiring, but it is her who is a true inspiration. I know right now she’s blushing while reading this, so I won’t expose her any further but to say a huge thank you for having you in my life and I appreciate dearly your&our friendship.

Describing her visit has a deeper purpose. It is an essential part of my learning journey as an international trainer. During our training I’ve got to know people in our group and connect with them. With some you click more, with some less. I had two amazing roomies. With S. I learned how to make my own wallet. With P. I created new french words. With J. I played chess in the airport. With K. I designed new projects and made up a crime story. With M. and S. I had meaningful coaching conversations. On the last day, we were doing one simple nonverbal exercise. As we were moving along the room, I got an idea that I’ll say goodbye to everyone individually, because some of us were leaving earlier and might not have the chance to do it later. I looked into the first person’s eyes. Then the second one. Then a third one. Someone was wiping their eyes and I thought “oh come on, why so sensitive?” and moved on. And at some point something broke inside of me. As I was progressing to meet more and more eyes and people looking back in such a warm and supportive manner, I couldn’t proceed. I stopped and began to cry. Tears were pouring out and my roommate gave me a hug because she saw I broke. I thought I’ll calm down, but it only got more intense, these feelings of being deeply touched and a sense of joy, belonging and genuine happiness. So I withdrew and stepped aside in the corner not to disturb others. But then something beautiful happened. People I felt most connected to somehow sensed what was going on and they came to me and created a row. Shoulder by shoulder we were just standing there in silence and enjoyed our presence. There was a moment that the whole group embraced my emotion and collectivized it. We were a community. We belonged to each other. It was a community of support, love, patience, empathy, compassion. I felt so connected and close to them and was so happy to be a part of this and this was the moment I realized I don’t need 1,000 Facebook likes or any professional recommendations. Because I have so many people in my life who constitute my community or tribe, if you prefer to call it that.

Later that evening, as we got to Tallinn, we met a friend from K. and stayed with him, his girlfriend and friends in a bar. At 2 o’clock in the morning as we were getting really tired, we decided it’s time to go to this friends place. He didn’t know us, yet he invited us to come under his roof. As we arrived there, he offered us some food he cooked before and prepared us improvised beds. His appartment was very modest, yet he gave his best efforts to make us feel welcomed and comfortable. Although he was working in the morning, he took half an hour to prepare us simple, yet comfortable beds. When we said it’s not necessary to have a blanket and a pillow for only 2 hours, he said that he wants us to feel good and he’ll give his best to make it happen. I felt really important and appreciated his efforts to make our stay pleasant, despite he didn’t invite us, we just met and will probably never meet again. Then I realized this is what life is all about. To make other people feel accepted, appreciated and happy. All that really matters are other people. And I know I could do much better than I did until now. This was my learning outcome of this incredible learning journey.

I am vulnerable. I am only a human being. I don’t have superpowers. I’m not always in a good mood. I make mistakes. But I have people in my life who are completely fine with this. And I will try to give what I have to make a difference. My best efforts and intention.

This is my professional identity as an international trainer.

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A bunch of us – EU trainers, future generation. Thanks K. for taking the picture!

I suck at saying goodbye: EBTA 2015

Ask, and you will be answered. Step out and you will be noticed. Do good things and good things will come back.

This is a message from this year’s annual European Brief Therapy Association Conference that was held in Vienna from 11th till 13th September. I was sent there with support from my English institution and my main supervisor. Just a couple of days prior to the conference I got an email from my Hungarian friends and coaches, inviting me to join a workshop on team coaching straight after the conference with one of the best coaches from Switzerland and Hungary. I was delighted and excited about both of these events and had it hard waiting to start.

My dear reader, which is your preferable: to be surprised or to make others surprised?

If I have to choose, I like the latter better. I love doing something for my significant others and enjoy planning it, keeping it a secret and at last, surprise them. It might be a small thing, or a big one, doesn’t matter, I quietly scream out of joy when I feel the passion that drags me to do it. So I dug up that my supervisor (and a dear friend) has birthday right after the conference. Since he’s a really modest and quiet man, but with a great mind, he didn’t say anything. We organized him a small surprise party and made a photo album for him. Though I had no idea what and how it will happen, the end has been what we hoped it would be: warm, supportive, loveable, friendly. Others who are close to him joined in this surprise and together we were able to do it just right. Happy bday C.!

Apart from this, I offered to give an open space at the conference. The proposed topic was transferring Solution Focused knowledge to the next generation. In case you are not familiar with open space, it is a very useful setting when you want to use the potential and creativity of your attendees. I use it all the time in my workshops and trainings. It has four principles and one law. The four principles go as follows:

  1. Whoever comes are the right people.
  2. Whatever happens is the only thing that could have happen.
  3. Whenever it starts is the right time.
  4. When it’s over, it’s over.

Additionally, there is the law of two feet, which means that if for any reason you feel you can’t contribute to the group of don’t get enough from it, use your two feet if you have them and go someplace else.

So I had my open space. Surprisingly many people came. I asked them to place on an imaginary scale to see where we are in terms of experience. It turned out the situation was about 50-50. I was amazed about how much willingness there was to offer support whenever and wherever needed and how it was a precious experience for both groups – they could both learn from each other! From this open space and talk over dinner, I am proudly to present my additional supervisor and many international partners. I’ll soon open another subpage and list their names and organizations, so that you can look them up if you’d like to see how big the international dimension is. Ribalon is growing!

One thing I’m not really proud of, but do it regularly, is that I always leave without notice. It’s a strange habit, because I’m really lousy at saying goodbye. So I left the conference without saying goodbye to anyone. In this manner, I believe, we are still somehow connected and when we meet again, it will be as if we never parted. So please forgive me my dear SF friends if I didn’t say goodbye – I never do. And it was not just rude to you – I do it to everybody. But now I miss you all …

Since Wednesday I’m back home. Vienna and Budapest have left a remarkable footprint. Apart from professional development, I’ve noticed one small thing that is different now. I’ve become much nicer to random people. Before I was reserved or didn’t pay much attention, but now I’ve become nicer and helpful to complete strangers. Simply because why not to be nice. And this makes a HUGE difference. Suddenly people around me have changed. Just today, as I went to the supermarket, a guy hit my car on the parking. My reaction was kind. I surprised myself totally. And like it a lot lot. A lot! My car might disapprove.

So let’s see where the road continues to lead us. Next Wednesday I’ll have a workshop in my hometown. I’m really curious about how the group will react within this new habit and setting … 🙂

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One more thing I suck at, here’s my first go of knitting at the EBTA conference workshop. Wonderful instructors and facilitators though!

Miracles DO happen

Dear reader,

I can’t believe it’s February already. I’ve had a meeting today with the faculty leadership, because we need to establish our relationship in more details now that I’m opening my own institute. It was a heavy meeting, because we went through the same debates all over again that we already had in the summer (see the post Sorry I can’t deal with your situation). And at the same time this is good, because this project is really important to me and I’d like to set a clear and strong foundation so that there are less possibilities on conflicts later on.

Now I’ll tell you a miracle story. I’ve been to another conference. Yes, another. This one was a regional conference of Solution Focused coaches and practitioners in organizations (not therapeutic kind). As I’m an ambassador for Slovenia, I was also invited, but because I’ve been to USA and am dealing with my company, there was simply no way how I could financially manage to participate on this conference. The organizers tried very much and even offered me a place as their own scholar (with reduced fee) but even that wouldn’t work for me. So I didn’t think about it anymore, because there is no use to cry about something you cannot have and there will always be a next time. Hopefully.

Then one day an email came. Just two weeks prior to the conference. I was just at the study fair and saw it on my phone. Saying they don’t want to mess with my plans and decision, but they got a scholarship offer to cover the expenses, so that I can participate. No pressure, just to let me know. I fell off my chair. This is clearly a sign, it could not be anything but a miracle. Of course I said yes. Yes yes yesssss!

Then the humoresque began. My husband has friends in Hungary and they wanted to meet. So we both went. Wanted to go by car, because M (my husband) had an urgent event he had to participate and that would mean me driving the whole night so that we can be in Budapest the morning after, when the conference starts. I was ok with that, only the weather wasn’t. It was supposed to be heavy snow with red alarm, so we had to choose a different option. I went on a night bus. It was a bus from France to Romania and you can imagine that the inside looked like a circus. And yet cosy and warm. We were supposed to arrive to Budapest at 6am, but we were there already at 3.30. There were no cabs and I had no idea how to call them, because for some reason my phone decided not to cooperate. Luckily there were some guys (the only people alive at 3.30 am) and they called the taxi for me. And then it was sunny the whole time without a single snowflake!

The conference was a huge success. I didn’t know anyone and yet it felt like home. I’ve soon enough met some crazy guys that were as crazy as me and we prepared a piece for the cabaret and made the whole group laugh. And I spontaneously gave my SOL talk and invited people to join my EU project. Caught much much interest! And learned many new friends who do amazing things. Then the last day T., a very interesting and friendly guy came and said he must talk to me. When we found a cosy place right after lunch he asked whether I know anything about basketball. I said yes, I know it’s about tall guys and an orange ball. Then he told me about the European championship, league and these frameworks. Described a team that participated as a novice at the EU challenge. The team won 3 matches and lost 3 and yet was declared to be the best debut team of the championship. Then he said that I’m like that basketball team. That he’s been at the SOL conferences for the last 7 years and he’s never met anyone like me – to appear for the first time, have a performance at the banquet and give SOL talk. I was flattered. Then as a reward I gave him some ballet lessons. It was just hilarious for the others and he was a very talented and promising student. Only my stomach was full and I began to think that I’m getting too old for this.

Miracles definitely happen!

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I found support in Budapest. Thank you so much!!!

A Word about Support

Dear reader,

in case you ever worry about whether you’ll make it and what would happen if you fail, you’re not alone. It’s a human thing to worry and to think through all possible negative things that could happen as well as constantly asking yourself questions what if things go wrong.

How many times have you experienced complete failure? I mean really complete, absolute, total? That nobody was there, that nobody helped you, lifted you up, not even you yourself? If the answer is yes, think again. How come you survived? Even with all that struggle? That alone shows great strength already …

I’ve been in doubts many times. Some stories about it I’ve told you in my previous posts. Today, dear reader, let’s not ask what if things go wrong, instead let’s ask what it they go right. I’ll tell you about my fairy from the sky. She came totally unexpected and made my path a bit easier. I’ve met her at the American conference (the one with the long walk from the airport, remember?). She was at the preconference workshop and I don’t know what I did or didn’t do, anyway, we ended up having a conversation (but so does everybody at events like that). The next day she came and asked me to write my home address. I thought why not, she might want to come to my country and it’s a wise thing to have the address of someone you know. Then I returned home to Europe and life went on.

One day, an email came with good wishes for 2015. And then another one. It wrote (short version):

Your enthusiasm about SF is so refreshing to see. For now I just want to say that a small package went by mail this morning that you should receive within 2 weeks. It contains some SF articles for your perusal & enjoyment I hope. I will select a few books and send them to you in the next few weeks. All the best,

I was shocked. Why on Earth would someone bother to send a package of precious materials to such a distant destination. Why making extra efforts and work? What’s in it for her? Then I realized this is not the first time something like that has happened to me. People have made a great diference in my life by offering me support, help, advice, material, opportunity, a kind word, whatever I needed in a certain period of time. I didn’t ask and they came anyway. And they gave me a little part of them that helped me grow. So suddenly an African proverb totally makes sense: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

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My fairy has sent me a present over sky.

So another email came:

A small package of books was sent this morning and I am told it should take up to 6 weeks to receive them.  They include authors you have met at the conference. Thorana Nelson and Frank Thomas, Joel Simons, Teri Pichot, Heather Fiske, Fredrike Bannink & maybe one other.  I hope you make good use of them. Really enjoy your posts on FB they always carry a sweet & powerful message in them. Have a great 2015 friend,

So the package came in today. With all these precious articles. I view this as a sign that:

a) support always comes when you need it, even though you might not expect it

b) I have a huge responsibility to pass this on by helping someone else.

Or maybe this has happened because I did something like that for someone one day and don’t even realize it? So this now is my turn? Karma?

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The Campaign – a Word about Money

Dear reader, Since I’ve told you about the big news gone bad, I moved on, looking for other possibilities. I’m a very altruistic person, money plays little role on my priority scale. However we both know where (sadly) the power is and that money does make the world go round (the good news about this being it doesn’t bring any sense for its spinning – other things that money cannot buy provide that!).

So I started looking elsewhere, how I can make my dreams come true on one hand without losing my passion and energy by being absorbed in financial issues and on the other offer my knowledge and time to everybody without charging for that. I still hope these things go hand in hand, so I’ve launched a campaign of fundraising for my project.

Today a dear friend of mine whom I’ve met in London sent me a message, commenting my campaign in terms that I should think about how to engage people to feel that there can be some difference through my project and I need to show how I want things to be. He’s really smart and has helped me before, so I’m taking his advice seriously. If you’re following this blog regularly, you might have some clue about what I want and why I want that. Still it might be a good idea to put it into concrete details and outline the project more specifically, since I didn’t want to do that in the campaign description (wanted to be very short and precise).

I expect this project to be a masterpiece. I want to do with the students the same as spring does to the cherry trees (P. Neruda’s quote). I want to help them blossom, discover their full potential not only in academic sense, but also in their core qualities, their inner beauty. Since I’ve been engaged through one form or another in student academic and extracurricular activities I’ve seen a lot. Also being a student myself, I know it’s a huge pressure to be a “good” student. Besides, I’ve experienced some very tough time myself and was also very ill, but there was nobody who would offer me support. I’ve experienced exclusion, shame, stigma and lots of pain. Pain caused by words, denial, avoidance and physical pain as well. There were doctors, all sorts of specialists I didn’t want to go. There was no one, who would listen, who would understand. I had suicidal thoughts and have caused lots of harm to my body. Everybody pretended they didn’t notice. This has been going on for quite some years before I came to university.

Most people, according to statistics collapse and fail. I survived. I had to pull myself up, it was one of the hardest things I had to do and yet the one I’m most proud of. Even though I did some very nasty things that were very wrong and I’ve caused lots of trouble especially to my family, this is a part of my life that helped me shape into the person I am today. Back then I was alone, couldn’t talk to anyone and yet I managed. Still I remember how deeply I wished there was someone or something that I could run to and rest a bit, just put my head into someone’s lap and close my eyes for a moment and forget about everything. That has always been my driving force that pushed me forward in doing what I do with my students. I wasn’t lucky to be provided with support. But I can be that support for somebody else, because I understand. Not everything, but I understand at least what it’s like, when it’s really bad.

So my dear reader and potential contributor, that’s what I HAVE TO DO. Be the one for those who need it, be the one I didn’t have. Students come to me because they feel welcomed, they feel accepted and safe. The effects we both (a student and I) witness in sessions are hard to describe. Just one session can sometimes cause huge consequences in terms that a student realizes she/he can do it and is not alone. But I can’t do that voluntary my whole life and at the same time I want the students to have free support. That’s why I need your help.

So if this project is to succeed, here’s what you (engaging) might be part of:

– if you are from the higher education area and the project is running at your institution, you may notice better student’s performance, less stress and more cooperation. Solution focused approach brings people together and fosters collaboration instead of competition.

– If you are a company or an employer you’ll benefit from confident and reflecting graduates, who might gain their confidence in the sessions.

– If you are not directly engaged, still there’s a chance you’ll have an intern who has benefited from this project. Or a business partner. Or a spouse, a son in law, etc. Because all these students will one day take the role in society. If they are able to fly instead of being depressed, then the future society looks good. My faculty (and university) is large, our graduates travel and move across the globe. So you never know when you’ll meet someone who’s been down at a certain point in their life, but with this project he/she got the support to develop the wings.

– If you want, you can be an active part of it. I’m always opened to new ideas, new partners, who share the same ideals. If you want, I’ll come deliver a workshop for you. Or a training course. Or can help you with what I have to offer. And I may not have everything. But what I do have is unique, it’s real, based on my own personal experience and it’s provided with honesty and enthusiasm.

Take care. Now time for some garden soup.

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Sky’s not the limit today.