Tag Archives: success

I finally did it – my big manifestation came true!!!

Dear reader,

Finally, the day has arrived, the day I’ve been working towards for the last 5 years. Today I finally submitted the theoretical part of my PhD. Not long now, before I’ll finally finish my studies and become Dr Biba 🙂

I can’t tell you what a relief this is. To be honest, I had quite some doubts along my journey of whether I am going to make it, whether I am good enough to be accomplishing such a demanding task as even thinking, let alone writing a PhD. There was a time where I almost gave up, because my life has turned to a very different direction, as those of you who’ve been following this blog for some time, know. In that moment, what was crucial was faith of my two PhD supervisors. As I was that close to tell them it is no use and I am wasting their time, they supported me and encouraged me to keep going. So I pulled myself together and decided to do two things:

  • Withdraw completely from whatever was interrupting my attention, including my training courses, seeing clients, teaching and any other activity connected to Ribalon
  • Manifest my desire to finish in due time.

I manifested to submit the thesis on January 15th. How, was not important. Whether I will make it, was also out of question, because I knew manifestation worked and I trusted myself that I will be capable to do it.

It worked.

Since coming back from Frankfurt World SF Conference, I was hardly doing anything else but writing. I wasn’t very communicative. I have hardly done any trainings or clinical work (except some small workshops here and there just to get myself out a bit). For four months all I did was writing, from morning to evening. My health got worse. During those four months my will and abilities were tested to the ground. By the end I was somehow going nuts and yesterday I couldn’t even recognise the words on the screen anymore. But not even for a moment did I allow myself a thought that I will not make it. I ordered myself to do it and so here it is – CELEBRATION TIME!

In a couple of hours I’ll board onto a plane again and leave Europe for quite a while. Recharge, relax, do nothing but enjoy life for three whole weeks in Cuba. I know I deserve this, because I worked so hard. And now I also know that every task, regardless of how hard it seems at first, can be done in the following manner:

Taking only one small step at a time. That’s all you have to do.

As I stated in today’s vlog, if you want to kill your aspirations and manifestations, put an action plan on it. Action plans kill creativity, perseverance and passion. All you have to do instead is taking one small step at a time. You’ll always know what to do next.

So here I am today, proud as hell, packed and ready to go with my famous suitcase which is so worn out that I plan to leave it there. Best of luck to you and if you are in the middle or close to the end of something really important to you – learn to manifest! :). It will get you to your results faster and will enable you to do the work more efficiently.

Biba

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Wihihihihi on the road again – this time nothing but pleasure!

Everybody has problems. That is so not true

Dear reader,

I’m sure you disagree with the above title of today’s blog post. Sure there is not a single person on this planet, who would be completely without any problems. There is pain, hatred, misery, injustice, fraud, violence everywhere. It is impossible to not call that problems, sometimes even world’s problems. Trump and the like if you will.

I disagree to call these problems. Ahhhh. Let me explain (and no, I’m not a Trump fan).

Everybody experiences tough life situations. In fact, some of the most brilliant people have had it pretty tough. Yeah, shit happens to everyone. And some people make problems out of it. Others don’t. There is a profound difference between life situations and problematic situations. For example, I crash in a car accident and end up in a wheelchair. This a serious and difficult life situation. Now, there are (at least) two options:

  • I can cling onto this misery and expand it so that it will seriously damage and affect my relationships, my wellbeing, my job, even my explanatory style and cognition.
  • I can deal with it simply for what it is: shit that happened and cannot be undone or reversed. In this case with profound and lasting consequences. Yet this doesn’t have to mean that I’m having a problem and that my whole life will have to suffer because of it. My relationships might still be something worth living for. I might adjust to my job or change it if it can’t be adjusted. And about my wellbeing, there is no external factor that could influence it. It is my decision on which only I decide how to go about it.

Want to hear a secret? The choice which way to go, lies entirely within your hands. John Weakland, Steve de Shazer’s predecessor with whom the roots of the Solution Focused Approach first began, was such a wise man, for he said the following:

“Life is one thing after another, problems are the same damn thing over and over again”

When something unexpected and unpleasant happens, it becomes a problem if you handle it in a way that doesn’t work, namely by repeating or applying some of the strategies leading you nowhere, such as mourning, hiding, performing bad habits, blaming others or yourself, fighting, attacking, or else. You name it, you know exactly what you are doing that doesn’t work. Yet do you know what does work? Not in theory but in practice?

If your answer is no, here’s some good news: you can learn. People are not born with this, people develop these skills to reckon what is useful in a certain situation and what is not. There are myriads of resources available on the web and dozens of trainings where you can learn how to do it and discover it in a way that is right for you. I’m not saying it will be easy – it took me about 3 years and I’m still not where I feel I ought to be, but my life has dramatically changed ever since. And it hasn’t changed because the circumstances have changed. It has changed because I chose to take it into my own hands.

You’ve got all the power you need to be a person without problems. No matter what shitty situations life brings you.

Biba

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Picture borrowed. Can’t remember where from.

London Calling! And an Open Call to experience SFBT conversations

Dear reader,

Tomorrow I’m partly moving back to London (UK) for one year. It’s actually huge news, as I’ll be attending a Diploma in Solution Focused Practice, hence becoming a Solution Focused Brief Therapist. I’m burning enthusiasm and energy! But I need your help.

You see, what practitioners say is not the same to what practitioners do. Talking about therapy or coaching is nowhere near to doing either of it. One cannot learn how to facilitate useful conversations from books alone. It takes a lot of practice.

So I’m moving to London for this particular reason. I reached a certain point in my life where I am proud of my work as a trainer and a coach and I trust my clients to have all the resorces necessary to make a change they want to see. So when the student is ready, the teacher will appear, they say. Ribalon’s second season is slowly closing, as is 2016. This year we launched the first Slovenian professional training in Solution Focused Practice and we splendidly coordinated and carried out our first European international project Coaching for Change. Both promising projects give me confidence that there’s a bright future for Ribalon and for Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) in Slovenia. Like at the very beginning, I still very much believe SFBT is radically different to any other approach to coaching and therapy. And I want people to experience it, make use of it and learn how to benefit from it. So it’s only natural to return back to practice and sharpen my skills so I carry out my mission the best I can, to do SFBT justice.

I will be surrounded by many people in London, who are eager to see me succeed, perform well and who will assist me in my professional development. Meaning, they will closely monitor my work with clients. And I cannot do any work without my clients. My clients are my best teachers and the only true stakeholders to assess whether our work has been useful. I can’t create opportunities alone. Nor can I make a positive difference to anybody, without clients.

This is a call and an invitation for you, who are following this blog and for those you know, who are looking for opportunity to make a difference in their own, or their significant others lives. I’m inviting you to join this journey as a client and to experience the magic of SFBT yourself and contribute to its spread.

Simply click on the link below (a document with more detailed information) and apply. I would be honoured, if you would forward this Call to anybody whom you wish the best and would like to see them discover or find what they are looking for.

OPEN CALL for participants to be engaged in SFBT conversations

Many thanks and – see you soon!

Biba

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It’s not a goodbye. It’s a new hello!

Coaching for Change – our dream came true!

Dear reader,
our dream came true. Remember the post about our EU project? It’s become a reality. We managed to be successful in the second round and got top scores! Soooo, we’re launching the
CALL FOR PARTICIPANTS – international training course Coaching for Change
We are more than pleased to announce the invitation to participate in our first EU project, where Ribalon acts as the project coordinator.
Coaching for Change is an international Solution Focused EU project, bringing together 11 EU countries, starting on August 1st and lasting for 9 months.
The main activity, Training Course, will bring together 25 people and 4 professional facilitators and will take place from Aug 25th until Sept 3rd in Slovenia.
Most of our participants have already been recruited during the project application and preparation stage, yet we’d still like to offer an OPPORTUNITY FOR ONE PARTICIPANT from Slovenia to participate and apply.
Please find attached the project info pack where you can find out more about the project contents and practical arrangements.
Also, do forward this call and news and spread it round your channels 🙂 We’re here for you to answer any of your questions.
So happy for this incredible success and amazing opportunity to put Solution Focused in action!
Biba together with project partners
INFO PACK – Coaching for Change
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Sky – definitely not the limit today!

In our world, nobody needs a coach. Nobody needs to think either.

Dear reader,

sometimes I get the question of whether what we do in coaching is really necessary. The answer is of course it’s not. In many cases, coaching is a tool that empowers and helps move forward the ones that are already doing somewhat well. It is not a life essential. But so isn’t a job you like, holidays at sea or organic food.

The only thing necessary in life is, that we all have to die and will die eventually. The rest is secondary. Hence, there is a difference between what you need and what you want. There is a difference between life worth existing and life worth living. Coaching, if done together with an experienced coach, helps unlock your inner potential to the fullest, so that you can grow into the best version you can possibly be. It is exclusive, an absolute luxury and meaningless if compared to basic needs like appropriate housing, social security, reasonable health, occupation, connectedness to others.

Throughout the history there have been examples of the “chosen ones” – the distinguished people who were privileged, who were standing out for their brilliance, talent or pedigree. Then there are those who are privileged to have the access to the best knowledge, best mentors, tutors, teachers, so that they could develop and become distinguished. Then there is the majority of us, the crowd, who are doing fine by going to work every day, watching series, having families, going on holidays once a year, getting drunk every other weekend and complaining about politics, weather and system. And the last are those on the edges, who depend upon the social justice system or welfare.

Coaching is for the chosen ones. But not necessarily the chosen ones from upper societal strata. Chosen ones who deliberately decide they want to live, not merely exist and who value their time, energy and potential. They know, they can manage to come very far alone. But they also know, that they can come way further if going together. A coach in this case is an excellent companion.

Yesterday I had a workshop for students and young graduates and we did bits of team coaching on the topic of preparing for their next job interview. Some participants were really standing out and I have high hopes they will come very far in their life. Among many exercises, we watched a short video as an intro into the coaching process. And I’d like to share it with you.

You surely don’t need a coach. Just like you don’t need the best relationship in the world, the most satisfying job or the best good looking posture. But you might be among the few selected ones who deserve the best and who take action in order to reach it.

 Biba

Meet a Fellow of the Royal Society of Arts

A very special day today and I want to share it with you, my friends and readers.
 
A couple of weeks ago I got recommended to become a part of the ROYAL SOCIETY OF ARTS from a British distinguished fellow who noticed my work and found it meaningful. The Royal Society of Arts was founded in Covent Garden in 1754 and included Dickens, Marx, Hawking, Diefenbaker, Berners-Lee and many others among its fellows, who wanted to change the world for the better. You can only get in by invitation and recommendation to be viewed as a meaningful member. Today I got admitted and have become a full member.
 
The Royal Society of Arts has been a source of innovation, ideas and inspiration for over 260 years and is a platform for the world’s leading thinkers,sharing their ideas online, while its Action and Research Centre searches for new and innovative ways to solve society’s greatest challenges. The Society consists of 27,000 worldwide fellows, has its own funding and venue in London available for use and is a great entity that helps turn ideas into action. Now you know where I’ll spend my spare time while in London!
 
So now I’ve become a part of this network and society – the first and only one in Slovenia ever. Meaning I now have access and privilege to connect to the world greatest thinkers and trend-setters. This is also news for you – Slovenia now has a fellow through which you can benefit and be engaged as well. The RSA has funding available for projects that make a positive difference in our society – so if you have ideas and need funding, step in touch with me and I can help you make your project come true.
 
This is such a special moment. I’m being really emotional right now and can’t even write or think in my mother tongue. But it looks like all my years of voluntary work have finally paid off … 🙂 and my Ribalon can continue being an autonomous, independent institution who does what it thinks is right, not what its funders and financers expect it to do. This is big, it is very big. Some say dream big and big things will happen to you. I always dream small and yet huge things happen to me.
Here’s to us – to you and me and to all the upcoming projects we’ll do together that will make a difference!
 
Biba, FRSA
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Your Wish is My Command – Skype meetings available for the international clients

Dear reader,

recently, I’ve been super busy with workshops and getting the programme ready for our Slovenian SF Training. I’m getting more and more requests to organise something for people outside Slovenia as well – from other bloggers, my followers, fellow coaches, potential clients, people who appreciate future focused approaches, people who want to learn soft skills, people who hold demanding positions in big organisations, people who want to change their lives, people who want to find happiness, freedom, joy, bliss, a new job, a new partner; and also people who don’t want to be where they currently are, people who are in trouble, debt, lost, miserable, depressed, hurt, abandoned, lonely, etc.

Great news for all of you: your wish is my command, so if you ask, you shall be answered. One on one sessions are from this day officially available also for international clients through Skype. Until now there has been this option available, but not regularly and as the number of requests and testimonials grew, I now have two days a week reserved for coaching and therapy sessions for international clients. All you have to do is send me an inquiry and request to Skype at info@ribalon.org with your preferred time to start working and any questions you may have. I’ll try to answer a few in advance:

Here’s a brief description of me in five words: Integrity, minimalism, simplicity, humour and professionalism. I can adjust to your language, so we can talk in English, German and Slovenian (Croatian, Serbian). Also Spanish and French might work with a little practice. You’ll let me know when it’s best for you to talk online, regardless your time zone and I will do my best to adjust to you.

Here’s an example of what a Solution Focused session might look like. I’m well trained by World’s best trainers and teachers and have more than 10 years of experience working with people, recently also organisations, who find themselves in complex situations and want an immediate way forward. I put working from my heart, compassion and care, before my professionalism (see my signature for a story on that).

Payments are made through bank transfer or on site. Your investment in return varies according to the service you choose. If your current financial situation might limit your cooperation, come to me anyway and we’ll find a solution.

I’m very much looking forward to be working with you and to meet you. It’s amazing how distance nowadays doesn’t matter anymore and how easy it’s become to meet likeminded people. Who knows – this might be just the perfect moment for you to start something big for yourself. I’m very happy to partly go through this journey with you!

Biba

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A. Biba Rebolj

When dealing with your own issues, use your head. When dealing with other people’s issues, use your heart.

This is my personal motto.

A few days ago, my former client made a comment she’s missing information about me on my webpage. Her words were: “There is so much about your organization, but so little about yourself. People are interested and would love to hear about you!” And when she heard I never sign my blog posts, she thought I was mad. Since she’s very good at her business, I trust her words and intuition. I’ll sign my posts from now on 🙂

I’m not the kind of person who likes talking about herself. I always feel I don’t have anything special to say about me. If I would be able to choose, I would stay in the shadow and would preferably observe what’s going on from the distance. If I could choose between talking or listening, I would go for the latter. Same stands when choosing between answering or asking.

However, life never goes according to our plans and someone or something had different plans for me and a different path in mind.

I was born in an average family in one working class town where alcoholism was more of a natural state than an exception. My father (an alcoholic) died of stroke when I was 5 and he was diagnosed with manic depression. My mother was suffering from anxiety. Though I perceive my childhood as a happy one, I ran away from home when I was 13 and headed off to the capitol city, where I wanted to follow my dreams thus become a ballet dancer. I was gifted and had demonstrated hard discipline, but was nothing truly exceptional. Teachers recommended I rather choose career in music because of my perfect pitch or go study languages, but I felt otherwise. Didn’t succeed as a dancer, so I headed towards university after more than a year of severe depression and eating disorder, because my world and my identity collapsed in as short period as just one day.

My undergraduate studies were in library and information science. I selected this course because I had doubts I would be able to finish anything more demanding, even though my scores were high enough to grant me a place in medicine or psychology. But my self esteem was lower than the height of a chihuahua dog and I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Soon after the first few lectures passed, it appeared to me that this study course would allow me plenty of time, which I  spared engaging in extracurricular activities, such as student council, student associations, etc., which soon got me to be an elected MP for my faculty. I didn’t like the MP’s position, though very prestigious, partly because I don’t aspire to be under flashlights and partly because I hate pretension. However through that function, I met some very nice people and my network grew. At about the same time I was appointed to take a leading role of a coordinator for student tutors and students with disabilities. It was a brand new role, so I established the entire support system from scratch. This was something that really suited me and I loved my work, for the first time after being a failed artist. Loved helping others who were facing difficult situations, especially because I myself have had an experience what it feels like being stigmatized, hurt, abandoned or very scared. I could also have little understanding of the weight of having a disability label, because I’ve self-recovered from a 5-year eating disorder which was proclaimed lethal and unhealable. I figured doctors and specialists were not always the best option. Nor was psychiatry, digging in the past, or discussing whose fault it was. They labelled me “hopeless”, but they were wrong. I resisted their “help”, because all they did, was looking down at me from their expert positions through diagnosis and nobody took the time to really listen. And none of them cared. I promised myself I would treat people differently. I managed to completely recover and put myself up again, without any professional help. But I didn’t look at this as an achievement, because nobody really cared. At least I thought so.

In 2010, university MP’s got the opportunity to be subjects for IQ testing at Mensa. It was a rainy afternoon and I just had a big lunch, so I thought I could afford to spend an hour or two playing with some funny tests to avoid falling asleep. My expectations towards the outcomes were rather low, because I was still holding a belief I’m below average. When the results came several weeks later, they delivered a huge surprise. It turned out I have such a strong mental capacity to fit within top 3-4% of the mankind population. It then occured to me that funny looks I got sometimes weren’t happening because people wouldn’t like me, but were there because people wouldn’t understand what I was saying or they couldn’t catch up with my thoughts of rapid speed and my ability to get to the bottom much earlier.

So suddenly I was proven more intelligent than most people. Such a rare ability comes with huge responsibility. It is not my achievement that I found myself in a privileged place like that, though I could feel superior to others. I viewed it simply in terms that I was extremely lucky to be born with such amazing brain function. So I should make some use of this and make a difference in the world. But how?

Since I liked my work as a disability coordinator and my students liked it too, I decided that after my graduation, I should do something and gain real expertise, because my undergraduate studies were a joke (with all the respect towards the library&information profession which I really admire and feel sympathetic towards, but it was not challenging enough for me). So I was admitted to doctoral degree in education, which was quite daring, because I switched profession and academic fields completely and this meant double or tripple work to catch up with others. I couldn’t afford to pay for the PhD of course, but somehow managed to get in the top 5% of the student population to obtain an EU scholarship that paid for my tuition as well as for my living expenses. It was smply meant to be. During my PhD I got an opportunity to go on a research study visit abroad. I chose United Kingdom and was supposed to stay there for half a year. Instead I stayed a year and a half and now call UK my second home. Solution Focused Brief Therapy found me while being there and it felt like coming home. It was love at first sight and I knew I found exactly what I’ve been waiting for and I was a good asset for it as well. This was exactly what I needed in order to be able to help others achieve their aspirations – it works, it is brief and it is in alignment with my personal values. The Solution Focused community soon recognized my efforts and my activities caught the eyes of many, so I won the award that enabled me intensive Solution Focused training in the USA in 2014. The year 2014 was a year of travelling and a year of intense studying. Have a look at blog index to read some notes about that, if interested.

So I came back from the UK and felt really energized. Couldn’t wait to pass this new knowledge to others and make a difference in their lives. I had it all – the tools, the expertise, motivation, passion … so I opened the Ribalon Institute as the first Solution Focused institution in Slovenia in February 2015. Since then, my work has gradually been gaining impact and recognition. People in my workshops and trainings often claim, these are the best workshops/trainings they’ve ever been to. And I feel for them, because that’s exactly how I felt when I first encountered Solution Focused Approach. In april 2015 I finished my training with BRIEF, which is the largest institution providing SF training in Europe and also one with the longest tradition. As a cherry on top, BRIEF sponsored my attendance at the European Brief Therapy Association annual conference in Vienna in September 2015. From there I got an invitation to host a masterclass at the next EU conference in Brugges in 2016. I’m currently the first certified Solution Focused practitioner in Slovenia. So (un)fortunately once again, I couldn’t stay in the shadows, quietly as an observer, as someone/something had other plans for me.

My life is a story and stories are better than theories, because people learn better by telling stories rather than talking theories. I met many people whose life stories were amazing and I’m really grateful, life has brought me so many lessons. My humble opinion about the whole story is, that I couldn’t possibly ask for anything more, but to be able to spend my life the way I like it the most – making a positive difference in other people’s lives, doing things I want to do and leaving this Earth a bit nicer place because of that. I still believe I’m nothing special. Hence if I managed to “recover straight up from the ashes”, why wouldn’t others also be able to do it as well. Why wouldn’t you be able to do it? Also, I’m now slowly accepting that life has ascribed me a different position and I’m getting used to obviously being a leader and not a follower. Also, I would like to create leaders, not followers. So it would be an honour for me to meet you and offer you a little bit of this joy and flow as well.

With love and from life,

Biba

moja Biba

I am vulnerable

Dear reader,

Although it’s summer holidays and not much going on, I have several new clients coming in. With one we talked about our need to be recognized in this world, our need to belong somewhere and a need to matter something to someone. She wanted to express herself for who she really is, but was afraid that the environment might not like and accept that. Yet only if she would find the courage to express herself, she could truly live.

She taught me something special. She said she would like to start a blog, upload some videos, write music and scripts. Would like to be authentic, which would be the only way for her to feel alive. Then she shared an amazing thought. She said that being authentic means that you share some of your vulnerability with a wider audience, you open your heart to complete strangers and offer them opportunity to hurt you, hoping they won’t. And by sharing your stories and experience, you can help others who struggle with same issues as you are. She’s a true artist.

She made me think about my blog. Though it is not intended to be personal in the first place, it is. Though its aim is to share stories about Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, it’s my story, values, beliefs, fears, failures and wins that are behind. And as I went through my client’s words again, I figured she’s right. She already shows integrity by wanting to share herself with the world without putting a mask on and that’s actually huge.

She taught me something important and I’d like to share it with you. When you write a blog, eventually you can offer your audience one single message they can take with them, as your present posts become a past:

No matter what, change is inevitable.

You are not alone.

And IT DOES GET BETTER.

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Able to show your dirty feet?

Never Stop Making Wishes …

Dear reader,

Gandhi was supposed to say something like

live as if you are to die tomorrow. Learn as if you are to live forever.

Today I’ll tell you a story about someone special, someone who I hope, I’ve inherited my brain from (and looks, hopefully?). My aunt. She’s one of the Ribalon’s main supporters and she has been in my life since I remember. Always encouraging me to reach one more star, take one step further and follow my dreams, no matter what others said.

She was totally eligible to say and do so. Here’s why.

She’s retired now and used to be a medical doctor of stomatology. She finished faculty od stomatology in Slovenia, then moved to a foreign country (Italy) and had to start over, as back then, her Slovenian degree didn’t count, even though she had all the knowledge she needed (today thanks to the Bologna system, this is no longer an issue, at least some Bologna benefits!).

So she started over. Entered a medical faculty in Italy (general medicine). Got divorced and re-married again to someone who valued her more. While still studying, she got pregnant and had my cousin. Taking care of a baby, learning foreign language, trying to make a living and adjusting to the new environment, forced her to dedicate the nights to her studies. Long nights with loads of coffee and cigarettes, she says.

After graduating, she tried to learn as much as she could in as many best places she could find. Eventually, this got her to open her own practice. That was only the beginning. She collected all her strengths as well as resources and arranged an internship with one of the best doctors in the United States. There she’s learned a new technique and was among the first, who introduced the dental implants to Italy. Apart from that, she regularly visited various conferences and trainings. I remember as I was 11 and we were skiing together, she would teach me how to ski (I was a hopeless pupil), then as we came home she cooked dinner for all of us (there were at least 5 hungry people) and as we were chatting or went to bed, she returned to her books. I still hold a picture of her holding a marker pen and working late into the night.

When I left the National theater, because I was sick, she picked me up by encouraging me to go to the university even though my first attempt was not successful. She called me as I won my Prešeren’s prize for my final thesis and congratulated the first. She was on skype as I was abroad.

Back to her. Imagine, you’ve spent so many years studying and after finishing one very difficult faculty, you find the motivation to start all over? Imagine you’ve managed to be the top of the best doctors in one of the biggest cities of Italy and yet still you never rest on your past successes? Imagine you live your life in continuous growth and improvement and somehow you never lose track even though you are all alone and everybody depends on you? That was her. She was the big leader, the strongest, the smartest and most persistent. With the downside that she was not allowed to fail, to feel down or to be fragile. We were. She was not, because if we would lose her, we would have no one to turn to. So she had to stand tall.

Now the best part. When she was 17, she had to leave the love of her life. Then life happened. After 40 years they accidentally found each other again. Today they are a very happy loving couple, full of life and joy. Up until today she had faith. Faith into knowledge. Faith into love. She is a lifelong seeker. A lifelong warrior. A lifelong believer that she can do better. And she always did the best. The second great person that I proudly call my relative. And selfishly I imagine that I might be somewhat, at least tiny bit lucky to share some of her passion to learn. And to never stop making wishes.

Picture borrowed from: https://www.etsy.com/listing/85695842/never-stop-making-wishes-necklace